


The Journal

by ZoeyMcRoyan



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:39:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeyMcRoyan/pseuds/ZoeyMcRoyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle in Moria is getting desperate and Ori remabares</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Full Moon

**Author's Note:**

> The usual; The story is mine, everything else is J. R. R. Tolkien
> 
> And a huge thanks to my dear flawless-dwarves for beta-reading a dyslexic German ;-)

_It is a night in early autumn. The day had been sunny and warm but the night has a distinguish chill to it. But Ori doesn’t care. He is enjoying some quiet time alone. The expedition to Moria brings back so many memories which he has supressed for a very long time. Ori huddles deeper in his coat._

Long years ago, nearly at the same time of the year, when he was just of age, Ori had been to the harvest fest. Winter was always so much faster to come in Erd Luin. The Night was pretty cold but Ori left anyway. It was too much of everything, too much noise, too many dwarves, too many drinks and always the protective eye of his dear older brother Dori. Ori loved Dori, no misunderstanding! Dori was more like a parent to him than a brother. He raised Ori and did his best, for him to be able to do his apprenticeship as a scribe. Dori gave up so much to provide for him, so he could try and fulfill his dream. Ori was thankful, very thankful indeed, but sometimes the fussing and caring got quite too much. Like tonight, no one dared to ask Ori for a dance. Dori's death glares scared them away for sure… The only one had been Kili. That boy was never afraid of anything! They had been swirling and hopping around the dancefloor for quite a while and it was absolute fun. But during a drink they had, Kili was distracted by a cute lass and suddenly his friend was quite shy, totally unlike his usual self. So Ori shoved his friend in her direction. He still had a smile on his face. A deeply blushing Kili was always a sight.  
But then he stood alone and had the urge to go outside enjoy some quiet minutes and watch the stars. Ori wasn´t sure when he would have the time again. Now the busy times would come. Everything needed to be catalogued and made ready for the trips to the markets. If they hadn’t an exact overview over their products it would be nearly impossible to get enough provisions for the winter to come. Last winter had been incredibly hard, frost had such a long hold that everything was growing much later than usual and the harvest hadn’t been the best. So it was absolutely necessary that they would be able to sell as much as possible.

Ori sighed. Hopefully he could be of some help. Maybe he could sell some of his drawings or earn some money by offering his skills as a scribe. But first thing in the morning was to do the cataloguing.  
Ori shook his head. But that is for tomorrow, tonight is for celebration.  
Ori wrapped himself in his coat. It was cold. The first night frosts couldn’t be far away. He was sitting down near the small stream. It was a clear night with a full moon. Dori would fuss that it was way too dark to do some sketching but he wasn’t here so Ori took out his sketchbook and lined out the silhouettes of the trees in front of the stream in the milky light of the full moon. Tomorrow he intended to start a painting of it.  
Ori was so absorbed in his work that he didn`t notice another dwarf approaching him. It startled him when a quiet deep voice asked. “Do you mind if I sit down here for a while? It`s so nice and quiet here”. Ori nearly dropped his pencil and the sketchbook. He shook his head. “No not at all.” When he looked up, he saw Fili. He hadn’t seen much of the other dwarf the last summer. When the blond hadn’t been in the forge, he was out hunting with his brother to top up the meat stores or he was on diplomatic journeys with his uncle.  
Ori had noticed that the amount of work and responsibilities which were put on the heir's shoulders had increased quite a lot. When a few years ago the two brothers were inseparable, now most times, you could see Kili on his own or with their cousin Gimli. Fili wasn’t seen most of the times. A couple of years ago when there had been a commotion in the settlement, you could be sure it had been the mischievous brothers, always in trouble and always laughing. Fili had been the quieter of the two but always with a grin on his face.  
These days he looked much more serious and tired.  
Tonight was no exception. Fili set down quietly, nodding a thanks in Ori’s direction. He closed his eyes for a moment before he watched the stream.  
They heard the melodious gurgle of the water and the faint noises of the fest.  
Ori concentrated on his sketching again but wasn`t able to focus for a long time. His gaze drifted every now and then back to the blond dwarf.  
He was sitting there relaxed in the moonlight and deep in his thoughts. Ori felt the urge to draw him. He had never noticed how good looking… no, how beautiful Fili was. His pencil was flying over his paper, working out every detail of that striking face. The slightly crest brow, the absent, faraway look of someone deeply thinking, the artfully plaited moustache, over that Ori had no idea how long he was working. Instead of a rough sketch he nearly finished a full portrait. When he looked up the next time, he noticed that the other was watching him, smiling warmly at him. “You still have your passion for drawing?” Ori was a little confused. He hadn’t been aware that Fili had noticed. They knew one another but they had never been close. Fili was a warrior, a noble and Ori was just a scribe. He stammered: “ehhm… yes, whenever I can find some time….”. “Would it be rude to ask if I may have a look?”  
Ori’s heart skipped a beat and his ears were burning. He just hoped that it was too dark to notice for Fili that he was blushing heavily…. Oh! He wanted to see… no it wasn’t rude, but… but he did such an insufficient portray of him… it would be embarrassing…. But Fili asked so politely that he would think it rude if he said no.  
“Errm…, it`s not very good I fear. I.. I hope it will not insult you.” Fili looked surprised. “How….” He didn’t finish his sentence because he was staring open mouthed at the drawing, not able to say a thing. Ori moved nervously. I`m so sorry, I… I… don’t know… I`m sorry…` Fili shook his head. Was it a blush on his cheeks, Ori wasn`t sure in the light. But he was smiling. It wasn`t the friendly smile from before .It was kind of deeper, more open, more honest, a true smile from the heard. “You see me like this? It is wonderful. I’m feeling honoured! I…” he shook his head. “Thank you!” “You… you like it? I don’t think I have captured you beauty sufficiently, I would need proper lighting for that…”, Ori trailed of. Oh no! Had he really said that out loud? It was true from the artist perspective. Ori would love to draw or maybe paint Fili in day light, where he could capture the sparkling in his blue eyes or the reflecting sunlight in the golden hair, but why had he said that out loud?! This was so embarrassing!  
Fili’s blush deepened again. He was taking a deep breath as if he had to summon up some courage. “If You like to, maybe we’ll find time for it, after the markets are over?”  
Was Fili’s voice trembling? Ori gazed up from the ground into Fili`s face. He wasn’t imagining it. Brave strong Fili was nervous…  
“Ori! There you are!” Ori groaned, Nori, his second beloved brother with excellent timing! “Dori is threatening to kill everyone who just looked at you during the fest, thinking someone laid a hand on you” Could that get any more embarrassing?  
Fili chuckled. “You better go before someone finds us here. I would prefer to live a little longer.” Smiling brightly and with laughter in his voice, Fili turned to leave but then stopped, turned again and added seriously: “It would be an honour and a pleasure to model for an artwork of yours!” With that, Fili left.  
Ori was speechless. He just stood there until Nori arrived. Unlike his usual self, Nori made no comment over the drawing. He just placed the half finished one with the river and the trees on top of the portrait and closed the sketchbook.

Later that night, Ori was lying awake. He still could see Fili’s sparkling laughing eyes in front of him. He had never seen the warrior like this, so open and happy. It looked like that he really liked the way Ori had drawn him. Didn’t the blond know how attractive he was? Ori had heard so many lasses talk to one another about how pretty the heir was.  
No Fili wasn`t pretty or only attractive. Attractive he was for sure, but Fili was beautiful and this in more than the way he looked. Never had Ori sit with someone without saying a word and felt so comfortable.  
There had been that smile and the wonder when Fili had look at the picture. There had been no mask, no shown strength of the heir, it had been only Fili, who knew what was expected from him and what everyone saw in him because he let them see, but who didn’t` know what is seen when the mask isn’t in place. He had been delighted and nervous. It hadn’t been in Ori’s imagination.  
His heart was still racing. What had just happened? And when he thought over the perspective that he would have an opportunity to do a proper portrait of Fili, his heart was jumping nearly out of his throat.

_Ori is taking his old journal out. It’s full moon again, like the night so long ago. There it is the Portrait of Fili, a little faded, with rumples and tears at the corners, but it is still holding the beauty and the wonder of that night. It is one of the nights Ori will never forget…. A tear is trickling down his cheek._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the audio version: http://zoeymcroyan.tumblr.com/post/134604811746/httparchiveofourownorgworks4932724chapters1


	2. Fire light

 

 

_Everything is going to hell, Balin is dead. Murdered by Orks and now the remainder of the expedition are sitting at his tomb, waiting for the Orks and whatever evil is deep down to get them. The others are willing to fight but Ori has no illusion that this trap will be fatal for them. He knows that his duty would be to write down what’s happening right now, for the ones who might find his journal. If there is time later, he will do just that but right in the moment, he feels the need to remember. The things he never dared to write down in case someone would find his journal and then everything happened so fast. In the end he couldn’t bring himself to write the memories down. It was way too painful. The struggle had been to just go on with living. That in itself had been hard work. After the years went by, it got easier. But Ori had never found his joyful self back again. Yes he had good times, he had been laughing, he had friends but the brightness life had before was gone._

_Ori reached in his pocket to retrieve the small journal he had gotten for the journey to reclaim Erebor. He opens the book where it is marked with a loose page. It is the portrait of Fili. A few days ago he finally had written down one of his dearest memories._

_While reading the text, his mind drifted to another time._

 

This winter was even harder than the last. Everyone had to stick together. The settlement was running out of fire wood, so it was rationed. Everyone got only so much that the houses wouldn’t freeze deep but comfortable warmth was in nearly no home anymore. To get warmed up, you would go to the pub. All the food was stored there as well. If you were hungry, you could get your ration of a warm meal and hot tea there. So it was no wonder the place was crowded all the time. Everyone was trying to huddle near the fires.

It was one of those cold dark days that Fili was true to his word. He had been out with his brother hunting to provide the settlement with some meat.

Ori was sitting in a corner were the warmth pooled a little. He was always cold those days. In the last weeks there wasn’t much he could do, so he spent most of the light hours with drawing and painting in his corner. And when night fell, he took care of the children and told them stories.

When a gust of cold wind rushed through the room, Ori looked up and saw Fili standing in the door, ever so slightly shivering. Their eyes met and Fili was striding over to him.

“Hello Ori!” The blond dwarf was smiling. Ori’s knees went week. He was just glad he was sitting. “Would you like a cup of tea?” Fili nodded thankfully. Ori poured a cup of tea from the kettle, and handed the steaming mug over to the still shivering dwarf. Fili took it gratefully, placing his cold hand around it and holding it near his face before drinking. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “Thank you! I thought we’ll never make it back. We got nearly stuck in the snow storm”. Fili set down. “I’m glad you did! Is your brother ok?” Ori asked. Fili nodded and pointed in the direction of the large fire, where it got noticeably louder and more crowded. Ori chuckled, “Oh! It is so typically Kili! He just needs so much attention…” “Yeah right, but that’s good for me. At least I have chance to escape the centre of attention for some time.” “You don’t like it, do you?” Fili sight, “No, not in the least! It’s my duty to be present and reachable as the heir. But if I had a choice, I would rather stay out of the centre of attention.” Ori nodded in understanding.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Dori approaching. He sighed inwardly. That was it with his conversation with Fili… But then Dori turned and was listening to Nori who intently dragged him away. Ori was puzzled. What was going on here? Not that he minded. Fili had noticed the encounter as well and now that brilliant open smile from the night in the full moon was back. Ori’s heart was racing again. Suddenly he knew what it meant to have butterflies in your belly.

But even with the excitement he felt, now it wasn’t difficult to talk to Fili anymore. He wasn’t feeling shy, he felt excited but comfortable. That smile of Fili’s made him feel welcome, secure and understood. This feeling was absolutely amazing. Ori smiled back. “You like some more tea?” “That would be great! Thank you!” Fili looked at Ori’s sketchbook. “May I?” Ori handed it to him and explained his work. Fili listened intently. He seemed to be fascinated by Ori’s drawing of the fire. He brushed over it very carefully. “It looks so alive! It is wonderful!” Ori’s voice was a little hoarse and slightly quivering, “thank you!” A warmth spread in him and he was smiling even more. “You look wonderful in the fire light. Would it be ok if I draw you again?” “Yes absolutely! What should I do?”

Ori arranged Fili so that the light was captured perfectly. When he reached out for the blonds chin to turn him into the right light, it was like a lightning when he touched the skin. A shiver ran through his whole body and he could see Fili was feeling the same. Ori nearly drowned in those blue eyes. After what felt like an eternity he was able to lower his hand. Ori was shivering. He took up his pencil and breathed deeply before starting to sketch.

Time was flying. It was nearly dark when he was finished with the portrait. He had used his coloured pencils because he had trouble with his other colours due to the cold. Never would he forget this beautiful face in his life ever again. He had tried to carefully detail the drawing, to capture that deep wonderful blue eyes, the sensual lips, the dimples and the fire light in Fili’s hair. He wasn’t sure if it was good enough to show the real beauty of the dwarf, but he had done his best.

When he laid aside the pencil and stretched, Fili moved again. He was curious, that much was obvious, so Ori turned the page towards him and waited.

Fili was speechless. So many emotions were playing over his face, Ori couldn’t name them, but they weren’t bad. After a long time Fili found his voice. “Ori, you are amazing! You are a real artist!” Fili stood up and came over to him. “Thank you!” he lowered his head and touched their foreheads. Fili looked deep in to Ori’s eyes and Ori could see tears glistening. After a deep breath Fili moved but before he stood up again, he kissed Ori’s forehead.

 

_Ori is smiling slightly. Even in this situation, the memories are not bringing only pain, but rather warming his heart. There had been a time when he had been happy._

_It was during that time that rumours strated to spread in the settlement about Thorin Oakenshield trying to reclaim Erebor soon. Ori’s head is falling back against Balin’s tomb. He closes his eyes. He sees a bright and brilliant smile and sparkling blue eyes in front of him. Warmth is spreading in his belly and at the same time he is silently crying. He misses him so much!_


	3. A Gift

 

_They had been sitting in the chamber for days now. Every once in a while some dwarves got desperate and tried to fight their way out of the chamber, never to return. Their numbers has decreased significantly. Ori had been busy writing down each and every name and every strategy the different teams had come up with but just right now he isn’t able to do that any longer. He has no strength left anymore to pretend to have hope and to support the others. It may be undwarfish to give up, but he can’t see a way out of that mess. Yes, he would fight for the others even without hope, he will support them has best he can, but right in this moment where there are a few minutes to take a breath, he needs a break to just flee into his memories…._

When spring finally arrived, the whole settlement come to life again and everyone was spending as much time outside in sunshine as possible. After the long weeks huddled together nearly constantly in the pub, everyone was glad to have some breathing space.

There had been no opportunity for some private time after the drawing by the fire. Of cause, they had talked to one another but there had always been other people and there hadn’t been the closeness they had felt. There had been gazes and glances, which held a promise, a tenderness and closeness that was nearly painful but no physical contact. Fili and Ori couldn’t do that, not openly. It was improper. Fili was the heir and he wasn’t supposed to show open affection for another dwarf unless he was courting him or her. And protocols for that were very strict, so even if they were courting they wouldn’t see much of the other. The other problem was that it was expected that Fili would court one of the lady dwarfs of the Iron hills to strengthen that bond.

Even with all this Ori’s heart was light. He didn’t know how he could be so sure, but it was just a given fact that Fili felt as deeply for him that Ori did for Fili. Ori just knew that Fili was his One.

Ori was sitting by the stream, eyes closed, face turned into the sun, absorbing the warmth, when he heard a gentle rustle in the bushes behind him. Before he could turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a whisper in his ear: “Keep quiet, please. I don’t want the others to find me here!” Fili, it was Fili! Ori closed his eyes again, smiling, and leaned against the other dwarf, feeling his warmth and strength.

Ori had missed him. Fili had been on a diplomatic mission again with his uncle, to convince the other dwarf to support their quest to Erebor. It had been over two long weeks that Fili had been gone. The two dwarves could hear the noises of the remaining traveling group, shouting, laughing and the hoof beats of the pony’s fade in the distance. Not before it was quiet again, did they dare move. Ori turned slowly. Fili’s hand never leaving his shoulder. “I missed you!” Ori whispered with a smile. Fili cupped Ori’s face with his hand and brought their foreheads together, looking him deeply in the eyes. “I missed you, too.” His thump slowly stroking Ori’s cheek and then Fili kissed him careful and tender, just brushing their lips together. “I love you Ori! I will never marry anyone but you!” Ori gasped. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t talk, the world was spinning around him and he just did what felt right. He kissed Fili back, passionately.

 

A bit later the two dwarves were sitting together. Ori’s head was laying on Fili’s shoulder, who stroke his hair absentmindedly.

With his free hand Fili was searching in his bag beside him. “I have something for you.” Ori looked up. “I found it at a market and thought you might like it.” Fili handed him a packet wrapped in some linen. “For me?” Ori asked with huge surprised eyes. He took the package carefully with trembling fingers and unwrapped it even more carefully. It was a small leather-bound journal. Ori flipped it open. It was of good quality, the leather binding and the paper were exquisite. Ori could see it immediately. As he reaches the back of the journal, on the inside of the leather binding was a delicate knotwork embossed. It was Fili’s trademark. Ori swallowed, “this… this is a courting gift?!...” “Yes! I will court you officially and properly after the quest to Erebor. I promise you that. I’m sorry I can’t do it right away but mother and Thorin will never allow it and I have a responsibility for our people…” Fili trailed of. “… I’m sorry” he whispered again.

Ori reached out for Fili’s face, tenderly stroking his cheek with his thump: “I know, Fili I know!” Ori kissed him lightly on his nose. “I know that we can’t stay here in Erd Luin for much longer. A few winters more like the last two and we will starve and freeze to death. And I’m aware of the political difficulties! I’m aware that we need every help we can get especially from the Iron Hills.”

Of cause, Ori knew. He had helped Balin to do the paperwork in the negotiations and he knew how critical the last diplomacy mission had been. As much as it hurt, his personal feelings had to wait in the current situation. When the situation was a little more secure, he and Fili could think of ways to be together but not in the moment. The knowledge that Fili loved him was enough to give him strength to wait for the right time.

“Of cause you know! How could I forget?” Fili whispered tenderly, smiled and kissed Ori again.

 

 _Ori was skipping to the end of the journal, His finger brushing lightly over the engraved mark, Fili’s mark. He smiled. With every hammering out_ _of the depth, he feels closer to his One. “It can’t be long!” Ori was thinking.” Until I see you again my love! In the hall of the Maker”_


	4. Dreams

_The never ending boom, boom, boom coming out of the depth of the mines are slowly penetrating the mist around Ori’s mind. He is fighting against it. The oblivion of the exhausted sleep had been heaven for his racing mind and a blissful dream of what could have been had followed. Ori is fighting against consciousness, he wants to remain in the universe where all is like it should have been._

 

It was a bright warm day in spring. They were sitting on one of the huge garden terraces. The younger dwarves who had come to Erebor from the Blue Mountains, still had the yearning for open skyes. Most of them were born under the stars and not surrounded by stone. It was believed that this was the reason for the “unnatural” urges and longing for them, so they created the huge open terrace- gardens, to fulfil the need of being outside. Sometimes the younger dwarves felt claustrophobic in the deep halls of Erebor, when they had stayed too long.

A year after the battle of five armies -that's how the fights around Erebor were called now- the caravans from the Blue Mountain finally arrived. It was a happy family and friends reunion. Life had finally turned out right, dwarves had settled down, old and new friendships had blossomed and Erebor was flourishing again.

Thorin had overcome his goldsickness and ruled as just king. Every once in a while he travelled to the shier to visit their burglar. At these times Fili took care over the Kingdom. As time went by, Fili took over more and more of the responsibilities until a few years back Thorin retired and Fili was officially crowned as King under the mountain.

Erebor also had its scandals. Not only had the heir and now king married a commoner and would never have a child from his direct line but on top of it, the second in the line of the throne gave up all his rights and married an elf. If Kili hadn’t been one of Erebor's heros, the king's beloved nephew and Fili’s dear brother, he would have been at least forced to leave the Kingdom if not be banished, just as it had happened to his wife, who was never to return to the woodland realm. Most dwarves had seen their relationship as an abomination, as had the elves, but after the birth of the twins, those voices became substantially quieter and after the birth of a third child, most dwarves considered them blessed by the maker.

Tauriel and Kili had two adorable black-haired twin boys, that only the parents could tell apart and a petite red haired little daughter, who entranced even the hardest critic.

Sitting in the warm spring sun, Ori enjoyed his time with his friends. The children were running around and laughing. Ori grinned inwardly, the three of them were as wild as their father as a child, always moving and exploring. Whenever their wee sister wasn’t able to follow, the two boys took her and carried her around and with them. The twins adored their baby sister.

Gimli was deep in conversation with Tauriel and Kili. After Gimli arrived in Erebor he fast became a close friend to Ori and the brothers. The young dwarf had been so disappointed that he hadn’t been part of the company, but it all was forgotten fast because he became an important part in the rebuilding of Erebor. The young redhead was not only a good fighter, he had a talent of organisation and trading, so he was seen everywhere, organised the workflows, the providing of materials and food for the workers and building sides With Gimli’s work, everything went a lot smoother and it had a huge part in the flourishing of Erebor. The members of the company knew, as did those near to the throne but the majority didn’t and many had been wondering why the young dwarf was so close to the royal family. Most suspected the friendship to the two royal brothers.

A light rustle announced the presence of another dwarf. A hand on Ori’s shoulder, the familiar scratch from a moustache and a warm kiss on his cheek, that could only be Fili. Ori turned and kissed his husband. “Hello Fili! I’m glad you were able to make it!” Fili smiled but didn’t answer; instead he kissed Ori once more. “I missed you” he sighed. “You last saw me this morning!” Ori chuckled. “Believe me it feels like ages! These council meetings are so tiring and feel like going on for years…”. “What was it this time? Anything important?” Ori asked. Fili shook his head, “You know everything is important,” Fili blinked one eye, “but please let us not talk about it right now. I need a break from being king…” “Good! Talk later!” Ori whispered, leaned forward and kissed Fili tenderly again. The kiss was suddenly interrupted by a scream and a bump against Fili’s back. “Uncle Fili! Please play with us… pleeeeease!” a high-pitched female voice screamed. Fili chuckled, kissed Ori on the tip of his nose, turned and made a face toward his little niece, who squealed, turned and ran. “Brrrr, I’ll get you!” with that Fili jumped to his feet and ran after the little girl. …

 

_Boom, boom, boom! It wasn’t possible to hold that dream any longer. Oris eyes are burning. He can’t breathe. The remaining dwarves are moving again; soon the fights will start anew. The break is over now. Ori collects himself, He is needed right now and he has to write the chronicles…. Everything is better right now than the memories of the wonderful dream. It just hurt too much! Whenever he had those dreams in the past, he had buried himself in work, that there was no time to think. Ori intended to do the same right now, at least for a few hours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally I'm able to post again... I hope you liked it so far. 
> 
> I would love to know what you are thinking!
> 
> Have a good day!


	5. Decision

  _After many hours, the fighting finally stopped, at least for a little while. Ori is dirty and bloody now, but with the end of the fights, his mind started to run in circles and it hurts, it hurts so bad! But he finds it a bit more bearable when he focuses his thoughts on a situation and not letting them flow freely. Ori takes out his private journal and starts to write again._

Dori was furious! “Ori you can’t go on this quest! You are no fighter! You are a scribe and you are far too young for such a difficult undertaking!” The day before, Ori had told Thorin that he would like to join the quest to reclaim Erebor. Thorin had been sceptic as well but the idea of having a scribe with them to write down the events and to preserve them for the coming generations swayed his mind in the end. But Ori suspected that Thorin needed every dwarf he could get and that was the real point. Ori knew from some talks with Fili that the diplomatic missions hadn’t been successful and that probably no dwarves from the other kingdoms would come. At that point, the decision for Ori had been clear. He would join the quest. The thought alone to stay behind and not being able to help his One to fight a dragon was unbearable. They would face it with only a couple of dwarves. He needed to be with Fili. Not to know a thing of his wellbeing, not seeing him at all was a thing Ori couldn’t imagine. Had there been an army, Ori, suspected he would have tried to join anyway. Everyone needs a scribe, don’t they?!

The argument with Dori went round and round, with no new points to it. Ori was getting frustrated, as was Dori. Never had his little brother agued with him and stood his ground so vehemently. It was clear that Ori was determined to go, but Dori couldn’t bear the thought of his little brother going on such a mission. So Dori tried again and just noticed that his arguments were the same as the last few times. What could he do to get some sense in Ori’s head?

Nori was clearing his throat. Both brothers hadn’t noticed him in the corner during the heated argument. Nori’s smile was mischievous and he blinked an eye for Ori to see and walked in Dori’s direction. He placed a hand on his older brothers’ shoulder. “Dori, it is a noble thing to join that quest. If we can’t prevent Ori to follow, we might just think about going with him. At least we could keep an eye on him and, should it be necessary, protect him.”

It seemed that all air left Dori. He was staring at his brother. It felt like hours but as he thought about it, it more and more felt like a solution. It was clear that Ori would go, with or without his permission, he was of age, but being able to protect him felt better than the thought of staying behind. But Dori was sure that there was another motive behind Ori’s determination to go on the quest and he would find it out! “Good then! We all go on that quest.” Nori winked again and smiled knowingly at Ori.

That smile unnerved Ori to no end. Did his brother know? Probably. He was Nori! Ori wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He would have gone anyway but he had wished for Dori’s blessing. But now his brothers would join. It would make a lot of things much more complicated; on the other hand, another two dwarves for the company were a good thing. So Ori smiled. “Thank you!” “Ori, would you please do me the favour and tell Master Oakenshield that Nori and myself will also join his quest? Thank you!” Dori asked with his formal voice. Ori rolled his eyes. His brother was always so formal. It could be quite amusing from time to time. “Of cause!” with that Ori left the house.

Ori had been nervous the whole day. There hadn’t been an opportunity to speak to Fili. He was out with his brother hunting and Ori wasn’t able to wait for him or sneak out the house later. He had been discussing the preparations they needed to do for the quest.

Ori noticed that Balin was more and more annoyed with his absentmindedness and slight clumsiness but Ori just couldn’t focus. He wanted to talk to Fili. He knew that Fili would be angry. As his brothers, Fili would fear for his safety - Ori wasn’t that helpless! No one seemed to notice- but anyway, Fili cared for him and so he would worry. Ori understood that, it was the same the other way around. Ori cared so much for Fili that he couldn’t let him go on his own. He needed to be with his One.

Ori sighed. The longing got more and more severe. Those short stolen moments, the hushed gazes weren’t enough. Ori wanted to shout it into the world. He wanted to show everyone his luck, that he found his One, he wanted to show his affection to Fili and not care who was watching and that it wasn’t appropriate…. “Ori! Are you listening?!” Balin’s sharp voice ripped him out of his musings.

Ori lowered his head. He was embarrassed. He owed Balin so much and now he was letting him down. “I’m sorry Master Balin. I just can’t focus today…” he trailed of. “Has something happened? Are you nervous because of the quest? Did you change your mind, laddy?” Balin’s voice was calm and caring. He set down beside Ori and placed a hand on his back. Ori shook his head. “No I haven’t changed my mind. It is just so much running through my mind that I’m drifting away all the time. I’m trying my best not to but it isn’t working. I’m really sorry.”

Balin smiled mildly at him. “I would say we both need a break. Take your time, go for a walk. Whatever feels right, ok? I’ll go and have lunch. Come back when your mind calmed down a little and then we will see how much work we will get done.” Ori nodded, “Thank you Master Balin!” and fled the house. Ori walked through the settlement. He needed to find Fili: He wouldn’t be able to work until he spoke to his beloved.

Ori had walked to the training grounds. Fili was lying in the dirt, his cheek was bruised and Dwalin was shouting at him. Kili had fled in the other corner of the training field and was pretending that he was target practising with his bow.

“What is wrong with you today? You haven’t been that sloppy for years. If Orcs attack you, they won’t ask you if you have slept well! You are Thorin’s heir, you are family and I don’t want to see you dead!” Dwalin’s voice bellowed. Fili lowered his head. Dwalin sight: “Go get yourself cleaned up! Go for a walk or whatever and clear your mind and when you come back I want you on full alert!”

Fili nearly jumped to his feet, when he looked up he saw Ori and smiled. Ori made a motion vaguely in the direction of the stream, their usual meeting place.

Ori waited just a few minutes. Fili had cleaned his face and had come right after him. “Ori!” Fili whispered breathless, taking the other dwarf in his arms and kissing him. Ori’s knees went week. He held Fili tight in fear of falling and kissed him back. He needed to feel the other dwarf. He needed it so much. When the kiss ended, the two dwarfs just stood there holding one another, both of them not sure what to say. After a long while Ori raised his head from Fili’s shoulder, looked him in the eyes and stroked the bruised cheek tenderly.

Fili spoke first: “I should have been mad at you and I had been. I mean the thought alone, that you could be in danger makes me sick of worry, but laying there in the dirt showed me my own vulnerability and I understand that it must be the same for you…” He paused. “Actually I’m glad that you are coming. I don’t know how I should have survived the month without at least seeing you.” Ori stared at Fili open-mouthed and shook his head slowly. “You are amazing Fili!” Ori said with wonder and kissed the other dwarf again.

He pressed himself closer; he still needed to feel Fili. They wouldn’t be apart but they would both be in danger. Ori shuddered, he wasn’t sure if it had be the thought or Fili’s hand sliding under his shirt. They shouldn’t do that but Ori didn’t care right in that moment. He too slid his hands underneath Fili’s shirt. He could feel all the strong and defined muscles on Fili’s back. He wanted to see them in all their glory, to kiss every little bit of Fili’s skin… “I want to draw you naked in the sun.” Ori whispered in his ear. A little moan escaped Fili’s mouth and Ori could feel his beloved’s direct reaction to his words. If possible he was held even closer. “Ori!” Fili croaked “don’t try me…” Ori chuckled and kissed Fili with passion. “I mean it Fili! When we are in Erebor, we will find a quiet place near the lake I read over in the books and chronicles and then I’ll draw you again.”

Fili bit his lips; breathing heavily, his hands were exploring Ori’s body.

Trampling feet and a voice made them spring apart and frantically rearranging their close. “Fili? Here you are! I was searching for you everywhere.” Kili! The two dwarfs looked at each other rolling their eyes. It was typical of Fili’s younger brother, always with perfect timing. Ori leaned forward, gave Fili a chased kiss and ducked away through the bushes before the younger dwarf reached them and saw could see Ori.

He heard Kili ask: “What are you doing here? There is nothing! Anyway, are you feeling better? Dwalin is asking for you.”

Ori couldn’t hear Fili’s answer because he was too far away by now, back on his way to Balin’s house. He wasn’t sure if he could focus any better now. He and Fili had to be extremely careful on the quest. But it was in no way possible that the two of them would be able to stick to the strict rules of courting. Ori chuckled silently. He didn’t want to. He loved Fili and for him it was enough. He didn’t really care what Dori would think but Fili was the heir and therefor they had to be careful not to cause a scandal. …

_Ori is smiling melancholically, stroking absentmindedly over Fili’s trademark on the underside of the journal. Yes he had been so in love and he wishes he had just acted on it, so Fili and he could have had a few weeks more without the fear of getting caught, just enjoying the company of the other dwarf. The booming deep underneath them starts again. Ori sighs, wraps his journal carefully again and readies himself for the next fight._


	6. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to #flawedM for betareading!

_ The fight had been bloody and dirty but Ori doesn’t care anymore. He knows that he will die here but he will do so as an honourable proud dwarf and he will take as much orc- scum with him as he can. That offspring of the scum which had taken his One from him. _

_Ori has a suspicion what is awaiting them in the depth. It is something even the orcs are fleeing from, but he will not tell the others. That he doesn’t have any hope left doesn’t mean the others have none and it is not Ori’s position to destroy it. That would be cruel and Ori isn’t, never have been._

Weeks flew by even faster than usual in spring. Everyone was busy to get preparations ready for the quest beside the usual work in the settlement.  
Fili and Ori hadn’t seen each other much. Only a few glimpses when they were passing by each other during work. There had been no private meetings at the stream; not even a private word but one day, Ori had found a honey cake on his desk with some lavender on top. Balin had pretended not to notice but Ori had glimpsed the interested twinkle in his teacher's eyes. The older dwarf had said nothing, just smiled and continued working.  
Ori had been smiling all day. Happiness was bubbling in his belly but he still missed the blond dwarf.  
One evening, when there was some time and only Nori was home, Ori was sitting down by the fire and started writing. He wasn’t much of a poet but right now the words were just flying out of his quill. He wrote over beauty, over passion, strength, feeling safe and all the things he associated with Fili. After finishing the poem, he decorated the whole parchment with detailed dwarven knot-work and mythical creatures. When he finished, his back was aching and it was only a few hours till sunrise.  
The next morning, work continued as the day before. Ori was still amazed how much paperwork they had to do in preparation for the quest.  
He was tired but excitement kept him awake. An idea was forming in his head on how he could get the parchment to Fili without the others noticing. He wrapped it like an official document and addressed it to Fili. He just hoped that no one else opened Fili’s official correspondence. His chance to get it through arrived with Kili, who was send by his uncle to get Balin for a meeting.  
“Kili! Could you please give this to Fili?” Ori was so glad that his voice wasn’t hoarse and his hands didn’t shake. “Of cause, no Problem.” The younger dwarf stuffed the letter into his bag and gave it no further notice. Ori sighed inwardly. That went well.

The next day, word from Gandalf the wizard reached the settlement and the preparations got even more frantic so that the day after, the company was ready to leave for the Shire.  
They had to leave without Thorin who had left the day before for one last diplomatic mission to gain support from the other dwarven kingdoms. Gandalf gave his word to send Thorin after them as soon as possible.  
The journey to the shire was quiet and uneventful. Actually they had lots of fun, if only for the fact that Ori missed Fili. He and his brother had left early as had Dwalin and Balin.  
It was in their burglar's house that the lovers saw each other after weeks of traveling but there was no chance to get some privacy. So, the two of them had to survive with glances at one another and casual conversations.

Ori’s fingers were itching. He longed for physical contact so badly. He wanted to be near his One. Just to feel that he was there, safe and alive.

One night Ori couldn’t sleep. He was watching Fili, who had the second watch with Kili. The rest of the company was fast asleep, as could be heard easily.

Suddenly Kili was catching his gaze and panic rushed through Ori, but the other dwarf just smiled and padded his brothers arm to get is attention. A short exchange of words followed. Ori was confused. Fili got up silently and walked a little to the side of the camp, out of the firelight and into the protection of some bushes. Ori didn’t move. He was just starting to turn away, when Kili rolled his eyes and motion for him to follow his brother. Ori’s eyes went wide with surprise. Kili knew, of cause he did! The two brothers were very close and Fili probably couldn’t hide much from him. It seemed like Kili didn’t mind, so Ori too got up as quietly as possible.

As soon as he reached the safety of the shadows and bushes, he was pulled into a tight hug and a nose was nuzzled in the crook of his neck. Short after a trail of kisses went down from his ear to his collarbone along his chin to his lips. A soft moan escaped Ori’s mouth before their lips met each others. At first it were loving feather-light kisses but soon turned more and more passionate. Hands were stroking over bodies and soon underneath way to many layers of clothes. Their breaths got heavier as they pressed their bodies closer to the others. Their lips leaving the others only for it seemed seconds to catch a breath.

Much too soon, the two dwarves heard an owl hooting and Fili entangled himself from Ori. He looked him deep into the eyes, so that Ori had the feeling he would drown in that gaze. “Sorry my love, we need to stop.” Fili whispered. “Someone is awake,” and just before he leaned forward to kiss Ori one last time, he said: “I missed you!” This last kiss was rushed but with so much longing. Before Fili left to walk around the camp to enter from the other side Ori whispered: “I love you Fili!” A bright and happy smile was his answer.

Ori returned directly to the Camp. It was Dori who was awake and his brother looked worried. Ori tried his best to plaster an innocent and cheerful smile on his face. He winked at his brother and cuddled into his bedroll. “Is something wrong? I was just up because I needed to relieve myself.” Ori was so proud of himself that his voice wasn’t trembling. His brother shook his head and smiled. “No nothing wrong. Please forgive your old overprotective brother; I was just concerned where you have been.” Oh! For Mahal’s sake, Ori was feeling so guilty he had just lied to his brother. How he wished he could tell Dori everything! Under other circumstances, Dori probably would have been happy for his little brother and had helped him to find a solution for the problem that he wasn’t of noble birth. Yeah, he was sure that his brother would have fought for his happiness with him. Ori shook his head, tears were burning in his eyes and he softly said: “I love you, Dori!” Had he spoken any louder, Dori would have heard for sure the thickness of his voice. He cuddled even deeper into his bedroll and closed his eyes. A soft hand padded his head. “Sleep well, brother mine!”

Days past with traveling. They had kind of established a routine by now. Sometimes Fili and Ori had the opportunity to slip away unnoticed. Kili was standing watch each and every time.  
It wasn’t much, some hugs, rushed kisses and some words of endearment but it was so much better than what they had before. Ori was so grateful of what Kili was doing for them, that he caught the other dwarf one day alone. The two of them were riding at the back of the company just out of earshot. “Kili? Thank you…!” Ori wasn’t sure how to voice his thankfulness. Kili just smiled his trademark cheerful smile und chuckled softly. “Ori, you are welcome! I haven’t seen my brother so happy in years. In fact not since the time our father died. And since he has to take over more responsibilities, he got more and more brooding, so I will do everything I can to make him enjoy life a little more.” He chuckled some more, “and as you know me, you should be aware of what I give to all those old conventions…” Ori chuckled too. Yes that was so typical Kili, the ‘too tall’ ‘too skinny’ dwarf who loved to roam the forest and whose weapon of choice was the bow, the one that others suspected he had elven blood. Who else, if not him, would support them? “You are good for my brother Ori! And I like you, too! I’m glad to have you as a friend.”

Ori was blushing a little and feeling slightly awkward but happy. “I’m really grateful for your help, Kili, I mean it and if I ever can do anything for you, please tell me! I’m very happy too to have you as a friend!” Kili grabbed his shoulder “Make my brother happy! That is all the reward I need.” With that, he spurred on his horse to reach the front of the track.

_Ori’s throat is tight. He is still so very thankful towards Kili. It still makes Ori sad that he never had been able to really give Kili something back for his support._

_Ori takes out another faded drawing. It shows the portrait of she-elf. In the time before the battle, he had set down and tried his best to draw the portrait of Tauriel out of his mind. Later he had seen that he had done a pretty accurate work. But Ori had never been able to give his friend the drawing._

_Ori is wandering what might had happened if Kili had lived. Would he have followed his heart? Or would Kili have suffered a life knowing that he would never be together with his One? Ori is still sure that the elf had been Kili’ s One. He can’t really explain it, it was just little changes in Kili’s behaviour, in his eyes, that Ori had noticed on himself too after realizing what Fili was to him, that showed him clearly._

_Ori is so sure that he would have done everything in his power to help his friend, but he never had a chance to._

_With that thought, he stashed the paper and the journal carefully away._

_“Maybe I can soon thank you properly in the hall of Mahal, my friend” Ori thinks and grabs his sword tighter, beheading an orc in front of him. The pain and the sorrow makes the sword in his hand fast and deadly._


	7. Trolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank's again dear flawedM for betareading!

_Finally the fight has stopped. It seems that even orcs need to rest sometimes. Ori is so tired but he can’t sleep. His mind is still running in circles. In his frustration, he tries to recall some details of the journey to Erebor._

_Ori is smiling sadly as he remembers the day the ponies got lost._

The company had been traveling the whole day, and for days now, there had been next to no possibility for the two lovers to at least have a private word, not to think of a touch and absolutely not of a kiss!  
This day, they set camp on meadow near an old house surrounded by trees and bushes. The area for the ponies was a little to the side behind some trees, slightly out of sight. For that reason, it was necessary to set watches for them this time.  
As it went, Kili and Fili were scheduled to take care of the ponies, clean them and provide food, water and of course, watch them.  
The brothers had been away for quite a time by now and camp was nearly ready. Ori had fulfilled all his duties and was sitting beside the fire. He wasn’t sure if he could risk leaving. He let his gaze wander, no one really had an interest in him, only Nori caught his gaze and motioned into the direction were the ponies were. Ori swallowed. That was clear now that Nori knew as well. It didn’t surprise Ori much. He had suspected it for a while. Ori looked at his brother in the eyes and the other was smiling, giving silent support and approval. Ori was grateful for that, he nodded in thanks and took off. He could be sure that Nori would take care of any questions and probably would warn him, if needed.

Fili and Kili were sitting on a log talking and joking when Ori arrived. An even brighter smile broke out on Fili’s face as he noticed Ori.  
Kili shoved his brother from the log. “Go! Through there!” The younger motioned in a direction a little away from the ponies through some bushes and blinked an eye at them mischievously. Ori was blushing. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Kili for sure knew what they were up to. He had no time to worry about it much longer, because Fili was grabbing his hand and pulling him away.  
They reached a little clearing laughing and joking, gasping for air and holding their bellies. It didn’t take long for them to take in enough air and calm down. They smiled brightly and their lips met in a deep and tender kiss.  
“Do you think we will have a chance to ever be together?” Ori asked and let his forehead rest against Fili’s. The blond dwarf sighed, “You mean in a proper way? – Ori, to be honest, I don’t know.” He stroked Ori’s cheek  
The two dwarves sat there in silence, in each other’s arms, for a long time, both lost in their own thoughts and enjoying the other's closeness. Fili was stroking absentmindedly through Ori’s hair as he said quietly: “In the last few weeks I was thinking of ignoring all the rules of courting and I still think it is what I want to do! For one, there is no guarantee that we will survive this quest or that we will succeed and I might have to choose between you and my honour as heir and everything, I will always choose you.”  
Ori inhaled sharply in shock and set up abruptly: “Fili! You can’t do that! You have a responsibility to the dwarves of Ered Luin… You worked so hard with your uncle to come this far, you can’t give it all up! And I would never want you to be estranged from your family! … Don’t get me wrong Fili, I would go with you anywhere, but I can’t risk that you hate me one day for it when time comes…” Ori trailed of.  
Fili’s eyes went wide. “Ori, I respect you sense of duty, but I reached the end of my patience. My whole life was always about responsibility and representation. Kili was the one who was always free to do what he wanted. I always had to be aware of what is the right behaviour for the heir, what people would think. I had to learn to forge, no one asked if I would prefer to learn hunting, I had to learn fighting with a sword. At least twin-swords were fancy enough that I was allowed to learn fighting with them. At least something out of standards... And that way, no one could see that I wasn’t talented with a single large sword… I don’t know if you can imagine how disappointed Uncle was when he realised that.  
In addition, I wasn’t allowed to use the bow openly. It was enough that I used uncommon weapons, but at least they were dwarvely enough. One unusual wild dwarf was enough and better let it be the second in line.” – Fili paused and Ori didn’t say a word. His One was so angry... no, so hurt. He had no idea what to say to comfort him.  
“I swallowed it all. I became the dwarf both Mother and Uncle wanted me to be. I took on my responsibility. I hadn’t been asked if I wanted it but neither had Mother nor Uncle been asked . – But this one time I can’t sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others! Ori, can’t you understand that?!”  
Ori was shocked. He hadn’t been aware of what it had meant for Fili to be the heir and what he had given up for it. So he thought it was even more important to find a solution to not sacrifice it all. All of Fili’s sacrifices would have been for nothing if they were to act rashly. Ori didn’t know how to explain that to Fili. If it was necessary, he would help Fili and run with him. A live without the other dwarf was no option, never had been.

Ori’s silence dragged on for too long. Fili shook his head, with hurt in his teary eyes. He turned away and left, nearly running. Ori was frozen in place. When he was able to move again, he ran after the upset dwarf,- “Fili wait!”,- but the other had reached Kili already. At that moment, Ori head a familiar whistle, Nori! Someone was coming. For a short moment, Ori was thinking that he should just ignore all social rules, giving a shit what everyone was thinking, but he couldn’t. Too much depended on the quest and on an intact line of succession without any scandals, at least until after the quest and after Thorin was crowned, So Ori turned and run back to the camp.

Back at the camp, Nori smiled at him but as he saw his little brother's face, he knew something was wrong. He went over and took him in his arms. Ori was fighting tears but before Nori could ask his brother what was wrong, all hell broke loose and the whole company was fighting against trolls.

_Boom, boom, boom. The hammering is starting again. Ori is fighting tears. He had been so stupid… No, not stupid. If he had known what would come he would have stayed with Fili. No, he should have taken Fili up on his offer and should have run away with him. He has no idea what life the two of them would have lived but they would have had a life together, not only a few stolen moments and nearly a whole life alone, full of regrets, grief and longing._


	8. house of cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my dear flawedM for beta reading!

_The booming and the fights it brings are still far away. Ori picks up his journal and his quill, which has fallen to the floor when he fell asleep from exhaustion and grief._  
_The escape from the trolls had been spectacular, thanks to Bilbo and Gandalf. Ori shudders. They had been nearly eaten alive. Never had the company packed their belongings faster than this time before. On and on, they went through a forest. Around midday the group met one of the weirdest persons Ori has ever met his whole life. Radagast the brown, the strange wizard with a bird nest on his head. Ori shakes his head at these memories. But his rabbits were formidable, unbelievably fast creatures, that could even outrun an orc pack._

Ori was running for his life. After Kili’s brilliant shot, the whole pack was coming after them now. But where was the Wizard? Ori couldn’t see him. Panic rose in him. He didn’t want to die, not here, not now and especially not before he had spoken to Fili. Ori stumbled. “Stupid, stupid, me!” he scolded himself. “Don’t let you feelings make you trip! If you fall, you’ll never be able to talk to him!” Ori regained his footing and ran.

There he was! Gandalf was waving and shouting from behind a stone and vanished behind it again.

Ori tried to run even faster and finally he reached the hole and jumped. Gulping for air he stood up and looked around anxiously. Where was Fili? Ori was turning his head wildly, still breathing heavy. A hand on his shoulder, a reassuring squeeze, and a deep gaze from blue eyes made him jump and at the same time sigh with relief. Fili was safe, however the blondes eyes were concerned. Kili and Thorin were still missing.

Seconds later, they heard Thorin’s bellowed command for Kili and a few heartbeats later, the two dwarves reached them.  
Now the whole group was squeezed through a small passage. When it widened, a little stream was running beside them and suddenly the view opened. There was a valley, so beautiful and picturesque, Ori’s artist’s heart was jumping in joy. Bathed in golden sunlight, accompanied by waterfalls, there laid Rivendell, the ancient elven city.

Ori’s admiration was short lived. Thorin’s anger was building by being tricked by the wizard and so the rest of the day went by with Gandalf trying to prevent the worst from happening and the company trying on one hand not to make fools of themselves and on the other hand to do their best not to give an absolute horrible impression of dwarves. That was more or less successful until Bofur started singing.  
Ori had escaped from the rooms the elves had prepared for them. He needed some quiet time. The whole day had been stressful and the chasing by the orc pack wasn’t the worst of it.  
He was wandering through the beautiful gardens and his heart sank. To stroll through this beauty with his One would have been wonderful. Ori sighed deeply. He missed Fili. They saw each other every day but the blonde was keeping his distance, except of that short moment in the tunnel.  
Ori was at a loss. He still thought that it would be best to continue hiding. He still felt that deep sense of duty. But on the other hand it had hurt Fili so badly. He couldn’t stand that thought. Ori wished that there had been time to explain what he had been thinking. A thought was forming in his mind, if Fili would ask him to leave with him, he would go. It would hurt like hell to leave his brothers behind and start a life as two lone dwarves, but with Fili at his side, it would be good. Ori wasn’t naïve... Or maybe a little. He knew that life like that would be hard but a life without his One would be even harder. Ori shuddered at that thought.  
A tear trickled down his cheek, his vision blurring as he let his gaze wander over the garden and a candle lit pavilion.

Strong arms were wound around Ori’s middle and a chin rested on his shoulder. A wash of relief went through him. “Fili!!! He whispered his voice thick with tears. He was pulled closer into the embrace and he could feel the other dwarf's breath at his neck when he nuzzled closer. “Ori! My dear Ori! I’m here! I’ll never leave you, I promise!” Ori turned, stroking Fili’s cheek and kissed him. The kiss was messy and desperate but soon turned into something hot and passionate.  
After a while they broke apart, shivering and gasping. Fili wiped away the remainders of Ori’s tears tenderly.

  
“Fili! I’m sorry that I hurt you, but please let me explain what I was thinking back then!” Ori blurted out in a rush.

  
“There is nothing to be sorry about, my love! I overreacted! I was so desperate. During the watches, I had it all mapped out in my head, considering the worst…” he paused. “I think you were right to not rush things.”

Ori was surprised. “You weren’t mad at me?” his voice wavering. Fili shook his head. “May be the first few minutes, but not really at you, more at the situation and that you were right and that the whole house of cards I created in my mind broke down that moment. I’m sorry Ori. I really am! I needed time to think and then everything went so fast.” Ori leaned forward and kissed Fili softly, “It‘s ok, I understand. But please, never keep me at bay again! Please!” Fili’s eyes went wide. Ori could see that the other hadn’t realized how much he had hurt him with his behaviour. The blonde's hand was trembling, when he stroke Ori’s cheek, but before he could say anything, Ori kissed him again.

“So then, what will we do now?” Ori asked. Inhaling deeply. Fili answered: “I think we should just keep it secret a little longer, like you said. But I think we should reconsider it depending on the situation.” Ori nodded: “And you can be sure that I will fight for the right to live with you one day openly and officially and if I have to run away with you for that, I will!” Fili kissed him again, this time much more passionate than before. “Ori, you are wonderful! I know what it would mean to you to leave you brothers! And I want to spare you that pain, if possible!” “Thank you!” Ori said in a gentle whisper between kisses.

_Ori is pulled out of his memories rather harshly when a dwarf stumbles into the hall and falls nearly at his feet. He is from the scouts party and he's severely injured._  
_Ori immediately packs his journal aside and helps the other dwarf up, taking care of him with the healer._


	9. Exploration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thanks to my dear flawless-dwarves for beta-reading. This one was much work...! Thank you so much!!!

_The scout is critically injured. Ori can see that, and the grave look on the healer's face just confirms his suspicion. Ori takes the hand of the other dwarf, whose eyes are glazed. He speaks to him softly and tries to comfort him. The injured scout asks Ori if he could write a letter to his family and he does just that, even while knowing that the letter probably never will reach Erebor. But it is the only thing Ori can do to help and give the other some peace. He himself just learned how important it is to think at your loved ones in futile situations. So he starts writing a heart-breaking letter to the scout's wife and children. It is so full of love that Ori has to fight back tears. Ori folds this finished letter carefully, wraps it in paper and addresses it to the dwarf's family. Maybe, just maybe, someone will come and find the letter. He shows it to the scout and with a content smile, the other dwarf closes his eyes and never reaches consciousness again._

 

 

 

Bathed in the silver light of the nearly full moon, the two dwarves stood beside the silently gurgling fountain, kissing each other, sweet and tender, just enjoying the company of the other. Soon the kissing turned into something more passionate. Fili was kissing Ori’s neck and jawline, ever so slightly nipping and licking over the skin and playing with the hair in Ori’s neck.

  
The scribe had closed his eyes, his breathing was much heavier than usual and his hands were stroking the other dwarf's back beneath his shirts, caressing every line and muscle, mapping out the other's body with his hands. He leaned into the kisses, feeling Fili’s lips on his skin, like a burning trail. With every nip and every bite he felt warmth spreading from his stomach shooting to his groin. A little whimper escaped his mouth and he was digging his nails into Fili’s muscles, a deep gentle moan escaped the blonde’s mouth.

  
Ori pressed his body closer to Fili’s and he could feel that the other was as excited as he was. Ori had longed to feel Fili’s body, but it still wasn’t enough like this. He wanted to see Fili, his strong muscular body in all his glory, naked, he wanted to see him and feel him, touch him, explore every angle, every scar. He wanted this without obstructing clothes. He wanted to feel the warmth of the other on his own naked skin….

  
A slight rustle of leaves and a quiet laughter made the lovers spring apart. Gasping for air, they looked around, without finding the source of the sounds. When Ori looked at Fili his knees went weak, the blond looked so damned hot just then, with his flushed cheeks, his blue eyes full of desire and his kiss-swollen lips.

  
"Ori! “ Fili croaked. Grabbing Fili’s hand, he started walking towards the little pavilion he had seen earlier.

  
Now the candlelight had dimmed down, no movement was to be seen. Ori just hoped that it was empty now. „Come with me!“ „ Are you sure?“ Fili asked with a voice full of concern. „I thought…“ „ Shhhh!“ Ori interrupted him, „Fili! I need you! I don‘t want to wait. Or rather what should we wait for? To let the others know? That we are allowed to be officially together?... Sorry but I can’t do that!...“ Fili had stopped and pulled Ori into a deep kiss. „ You are unbelievable! You have so many surprises waiting for me…“ Fili trailed off kissing Ori again. „Where are you taking me?“ „Look there, can you see the pavilion? I hope it is empty now.“ Fili grinned and Ori seemed to see a little wolfishness in it.

  
The pavilion was indeed empty. Only one candle in a beautifully ornated chandelier lightened the room in a warm colourful glow. The room was lined with many huge cushions and behind at the walls stood artfully worked instruments, harps, violins, flutes and many more, but the two dwarves hadn’t really an eye for it.

  
As soon as he was sure that room was empty, Fili tucked Ori into his arms and captured the scribe’s lips anew.

  
Their lips met, this time not tender or gentle. It was a messy, passionate and hungry kiss. Ori felt Fili’s tongue against his lips and opened his mouth, greeting the other tongue with his own, stroking and exploring. He was just lost in the sensation, every now and then gasping for air. Right now the world out there didn’t exist. He had his hands in Fili’s hair, stroking and playing with the one in his neck. Eyes closed, he just wanted to feel, pretending that the world didn’t exist and that this moment would never end.  
Slowly he stroked along Fili’s collar, to the front of his shirt, playing with the top button until it opened and stroking lightly down to the next button. Ori could feel Fili shudder and inhaling sharply. Fili’s head was falling backwards, giving the other full access to his throat. Ori kissed along the jawline down the side of the blonds neck, nipping, biting and liking along the collar bone, slowly opening the other buttons of Fili‘s shirt and letting it slip over his shoulders. He admired the broad muscular chest with the crisp blond curls for a moment, stroking with soft fingers through the hairs, before he started to kiss Fili again. First the corner of the blonde’s mouth, then slowly down his chin, over his throat down to his chest. Light and soft kisses, with licks in between, were forming a trail down to the blonde’s right nipple. When the scribe reached it, he first licked over it and than bit it carefully. A deep throaty moan escaped the blonde’s mouth and Ori could feel Fili’s fingers digging into his hair. The other dwarf was panting and shuddering.

  
Ori took that as encouragement, and he sucked and licked a little more at that nipple before he kissed his way to the other side. With the left nipple he also took his time, making sure that it was taken care of as much as the other side. He could feel Fili shuddering and twitching under his touch. The blondes’ hands were still grabbing his hair, a little more desperate now. Fili‘s whimpers and moans shot directly into Ori’s groin. He felt his own erection pressing to the inside of his pants, but he didn’t care. The blonde was winding in pleasure beneath him, that made Ori a little proud and it turned him even more on. He was lightheaded and felt brave, to try more and he wanted more, needed more.

  
Yes he had some experience, but not that far. He had kissed a few dwarves but never more. What he was doing now, he knew from books he had ‚stolen‘ from Balin’s library and read under the covers of his bed.  
Slowly Ori kissed down Fili’s chest, stroking, kissing and licking a slow trail to the blonde’s navel. When Ori sank to his knees, Fili’s head shot up and he forced Ori to look at him. „Ori!“ he gasped „You don’t have to do this“ Concern and lust at the same time were written over the beautiful face. A warm feeling was spreading in Ori’s whole body and he just smiled. „Please tell me what you like and what not. I’ve never done this before. “„Ori, you don’t have to… it’s… I…“ Fili knelt down and looked Ori into the eyes, who just leaned forward and kissed the blond deeply again. „I want this, Fili! I have dreamed of it for a while now, please…“ Ori was blushing. He was a little embarrassed and couldn’t hold Fili’s gaze any longer.

  
Fili cupped his face tenderly and kissed him. His voice was hoarse when he spoke again: „if it is like that, then we should explore together. I will show you what I like. But please promise me you’ll do the same and please don’t do anything you are not comfortable with. We will stop if one of us isn’t comfortable with what we are doing, right?“ Ori could hear the uncertainty in Fili’s voice. The other was a little insecure himself. „Yes, I promise!“ Ori whispered, leaned forward and kissed Fili deeply again letting them both sink back slowly into the pillows. Fili carefully tugged at Ori’s shirts and pulled them over his head. Ori shuddered as Fili’s large rough hands stroked tenderly over his chest. He had such beautiful hands, broad, with long straight fingers and many calluses from his hard work in the forge and with his swords.

  
Ori started his exploration anew, first kissing and licking down Fili’s ear lope, over his neckline to his collar bone and after nipping and licking at the right one, he changed to the left one and from there he kissed his way to the nipple. Fili had by then closed his eyes and ducked his fingers again into the scribe's hair, gasping and moaning softly.

  
Ori was lost in the feeling of his One reacting to every touch, kiss and lick. His goal was to give Fili as much pleasure as possible, it felt so good. His own erection was by now nearly painfully constricted in his trousers but he didn’t care right then and there.

Ori kissed his way down Fili’s chest again, stopping at his navel, playing around it with his tongue, to finally slip it in. Fili shivered and inhaled sharply, his breathe escaping with a moan when Ori carefully licked further down to the hem of his trousers.  
Stopping the journey of his mouth there for a bit, he stroked lightly with his fingers alongside the rim of Fili’s pants, slipping a finger inside and then a little deeper.

  
The blond held his breath and watched intently, making Ori shiver with pleasure himself.

  
Yes, he had imagined that pleasuring someone else, especially Fili during the last month, would be good, but he had never imagined that it would be like that. Never had his arousal reached a level like that. If Fili would touch him now, just once, he would come immediately. He was sure of that. Ori moaned at the image of Fili touching him. Mahaal! He needed to calm down a little if he wanted to last a little longer.

  
Ori took a deep breath. It wasn’t helping much but it was better than nothing. He continued his slow stroking, starting on top of the pants again. He carefully caressed Fili’s obvious erection, first softly and then a little harder. „oooohhhhhhri!“ a long moan escaped Fili’s mouth, he was panting now, his eyes closed again. Ori finally opened the trousers. „I need your help here a little.“ Ori tugged at Fili’s pants and the blond understood. He lifted himself up so that the trousers came of. Ori got rid of his boots too and Fili was lying naked in front of him. The scribes eyes where roaming over his lover's body, admiring it. After a moment, he started stroking and kissing again. Every inch of Fili's skin was peppered with kisses, licks and nips. As Ori reached once more the navel, the blond was moaning and shivering, his hands tugged firmly into Ori’s hair, desperate not to lose his grip on the world.

  
Biting and kissing around the blonde's navel, Ori stroke at first the outside side of the thigh up to his hips, painting imaginary circles on the blonde's hip bones. He then slowly kissed further down, his cheek touching the tip it Fili’s cock. Through the blond dwarf’s body went a strong shiver. „Ohhhh Ori!“ he moaned. Ori turned his head slowly, sticking out his tongue, licking over the tip, tasting the first salty droplets. By now, Fili was not able to speak, not even his lover's name, only moans and groans were escaping his mouth and his hands were pulling at Ori’s hair. If Ori hadn’t been so aroused too, it could have been uncomfortable, but in the moment he simply didn’t notice. He was fascinated how different from himself the other dwarf was. He carefully slit a hand around Fili’s cock and pressed and stroked a little. The reaction was immediate. Fili’s panting and moaning increased dramatically. Ori licked once more over the top. „Ori! Please more…ahhhh…!“ Fili moaned and gasped and Ori did just that, he squeezed a little harder and moved faster. A shudder went through Fili’s body and he reared up before he came apart with a little cry: „Ori!“.

  
Gasping for air, panting heavily, with his eyes closed Fili was laying on top of the pillows. He looked too beautiful, so much younger, all the worries smoothed out of his face. Ori tenderly stroke a sweaty strand of hair out of his face and kissed his lips softly. When he started to sit up, Ori was pulled down on top of the blond, who was holding him. He listened to the other's heartbeat, by laying his head on Fili’s chest. His heart was still racing. Ori stroke circles in the blonde’s chest hair. „Are you ok?“ „More than ok! Thank you for letting me feel this!“ They were quiet for some time before Fili spoke again.”I love you, Ori!“ Ori snuggled a little closer.

  
Fili’s hand was stroking over Ori’s back, „You are wearing far to much“, Fili said, when he reached the rim of his pants. Ori chuckled quietly and helped Fili to get rid of it.

  
The blond smiled at him before he devoured him with his eyes; „You are so beautiful!“ His hands were roaming over Ori’s body, exploring every angle, tracing every scar. Fili took his time but seemed to notice that Ori couldn’t go on for much longer. His hands were stroking the inside of Ori’s thighs, lightly and slowly. The younger was gasping and panting, gripping at Fili‘s thighs. The blond was kneeling over him, pinning him down with his body. Ori’s hands went up over the blonde's firm backside to his back, his nails digging into the muscles. His whole body shivered, little gasps of pleasure escaping his mouth, which turned into moans when Fili finally touched him. First, the blonde's fingers were stroking lightly over the hard flesh, reaching the tip, but then Fili gripped Ori’s aching erection, stroking it, his thumb sliding every once in a while over the top.

  
By then, Ori was pure lust and sensation, He couldn’t think, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breathe… Heat and pressure were building up in him. He needed more! Unable to form words he tugged his nails into Fili’s back. The blond seemed to understand and increased pressure and pace. Ori was swept away, like from a wave. For a short moment, the world went blank.

  
When Ori came back to the world, he was tugged in Fili’s arms, with their shirts draped over them. He could hear the slow and steady heartbeat of the other dwarf. Ori snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth of the blonde's body and whispered: „I love you, Fili, son of Dis and you are mine! “ Fili looked at him lovingly, stroking through his hair „I will never leave you, not even when the apocalypse comes! “

 

 

 _Ori is shaking violently. Tears are running down his cheeks. He‘s trying so hard not to sob out loud._  
_Yes Fili had promised him and Ori knew that the blonde dwarf had meant it. The apocalypse, the scandals, being out cast and so much more, they could have mastered but death had been faster… By Mahaal, he still misses him even after so many years. Ori closes his eyes again. Pretending the booming isn’t coming from the orcs in the depth of the mines, that it is the comforting heartbeat of his One. Ori’s head is falling back, against Balin‘s tomb and a strangled sob escapes his mouth._


	10. Fountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my dear flawedM for beta reading!
> 
> I just started to transform the chapters into an audio version. I will post the links one after another at the belonging chapters... here the link to chapter 1: http://zoeymcroyan.tumblr.com/post/134604811746/httparchiveofourownorgworks4932724chapters1

_A comforting hand caresses Ori’s shoulder and someone slides down beside him, not saying a word, just sitting there, so that Ori isn’t alone._  
_Finally the sobs are subsiding and he has the feeling that he can breathe again. The group’s healer is sitting beside him. It isn’t Oin, he is far too old to have joined them. It is one of his students, not much younger than Ori._

  
_„I know how it feels to lose his One… And what kept me going after losing her was seeing you, enduring and holding on to life, giving all you have for our people …“, the healer said quietly._

_Ori looks up. Now he sees the pain in the younger dwarf's eyes too, and yes, he can recognise his own pain. „I’m sorry for your loss!“ the words sound hollow in his ears but he doesn’t know what else to say. A sad smile appears on the healer's face and he nods, he has probably seen the honesty of the words in Ori’s eyes._

  
_„ Do you want to tell me about her?“ Ori asks carefully. The younger smiles thankfully. „If you don’t mind?“ Ori shakes his head and smiles encouragingly. „I think you knew her…“ the other begins and Ori listens. And really he knew the lass she had been a real beauty, turned many heads but as he can remember, she only had eyes for one dwarf. Ori suddenly notices how the other has changed in the years. The carefree, lanky dwarf from his youth was now a quiet thoughtful one, serious and devoted to his work, just a little like Ori himself. He had started drawing while listening. It has been always like this. Ori is a good listener, but his hands need an occupation…._

 

 

The next day was a chaotic mix of feelings, happiness beyond belief, fear of getting caught, lust, arousal and frustration.

  
When he woke that morning next to his brothers, he wasn’t sure if it all had been a dream, but when he saw Fili, there was no doubt that last night had been real.

As the blonde caught an eye of him, he was nearly eating him up alive with his gaze. Ori blushed deeply as all the memories of Fili's gorgeous naked body and the noises he had made came back to his memory. Ori could see that Fili was thinking of last night too.

He had to tear his gaze off of his lover and then he fled because Bofur was giving him a curious look.  
They had agreed to keep the relationship secret for a little longer, but if he was acting like that it wouldn’t be possible…

  
Ori was sitting down in an alcove and watched over the gardens. How was he supposed to survive that breakfast? His hormones were killing him. He just had to lay eyes on Fili and arousal was building up in him, more or less noticeable. He shifted uncomfortably. Ori couldn’t forget how amazing Fili’s hand on his body had felt. Images of last night were playing in his mind and his trousers were growing tighter. He groaned. What should he do?

Ori was startled when soft lips brushed over his ears and he felt a familiar body pressing against his back.

  
He shuddered and relaxed against it, just enjoying the touch. Soft kisses trailed down his neck and a hand slid under his tunic, searching the rim of his trousers. When it found its goal and slid down the front, a soft moan escaped Ori's mouth, followed by a sharp intake of breath as a hand tightened firmly around his erection and stroked with just the right pressure. His head fell back and he had to bite his lips not to moan loudly. He was panting heavily and couldn’t refrain from pushing into the hand. The pressure was building. „You look so damn gorgeous like that!“ Fili whispered hoarsely in his ear. „I want to see you come undone again, my hot and beautiful Ori!“ A strangled moan escaped Ori‘s lips. His hips pushing into his lover's hand who increased the pace. That was it. The world didn’t exist anymore, only the feeling of the blond's hand around him. His orgasm hit him hard. In the back of his mind, he remembered vaguely that he had to be quiet, but his mouth let Fili‘s name escape in a strangled moan anyway.

He sank against the other dwarf, panting heavily. Fili was stroking his face and holding him, peppering his neck with soft kisses. „I love you! My beautiful, passionate Ori! I love you!“, he whispered lovingly.

  
Ori snuggled closer. He couldn’t open his eyes, not right now.

  
The two dwarves sat there for a long time. Finally, Ori opened his eyes again and turned around. When he looked at Fili, he nearly drowned in his bright blue eyes. He saw so many emotions there. He kissed him tenderly putting everything he felt in the kiss.

  
When they separated again, Fili just smiled. Ori huffed. „You are impossible, you know that, don’t you?!“ He said with a smile and Fili looked confused. „I was under the impression you liked what I was doing?“ Ori laughed: „liked is not really the right word I would use, I more than liked it, as you should have noticed. But to run around in dirty pants all day will be quite awkward.“ Fili chuckled „You have a point there. “Ori kissed him again and pressed against his lover's body. He could feel his erection clearly. „And what about you?“ he purred sliding his hand over Fili’s backside.

  
A cough and a mumbled apology had the two sprang apart instantly. Both turned with equally horrified expressions to see a blushing elf. „ My apologies master dwarves, I didn‘t mean to….“ He trailed of. The lovers shook their heads in unison. „No, no, we have to apologise master elf. It was absolutely inappropriate…“ Ori said hurriedly, blushing deeply again.

  
The elf looked up and smiled shyly. Ori had the impression that he was young. Always hard to tell with elves anyway. „May we could just pretend nothing happened and I never saw you here?“ the elf suggested. Fili now smiled his majestic smile, the one in which the authority of the heir laid. „ That would be much appreciated, master elf, thank you!“ Ori was impressed how strong and steady Fili’s voice sounded, and except of his kiss swollen lips, Fili seemed totally unfazed. Mahal, his One was good with holding his appearance.

  
„The rest of your company is still having breakfast in the hall, if you want to join them. “Fili nodded. „Thank you!“ The elf bowed elegantly, turned and walked away. If asked, Ori would say the elf fled from the scene. He chuckled inwardly and then bust out laughing, joining Fili, who was already laughing hard, holding his belly.

  
After catching his breath Fili suggested: „I would say, you go have a change; “ winking at Ori, „and I join the others right now, so that we will not arrive together?“ Ori chuckled and nodded. He gave Fili a quick kiss before he took off.

The rest of the day was more or less uneventful until someone jumped into the fountains to bathe. Of course, Ori and Fili couldn’t avoid it. It wasn’t like it wasn’t fun or that they usually had a problem with being naked, but just right now, it was a huge problem. Both dwarves were trying so hard to stay out of each other’s sight. Except that the thought of Fili being naked brought Ori into serious trouble. He was trying to think of anything but that and getting his hormones under control, when Nori suddenly appeared beside him. Ori turned awkwardly. It was so embarrassing.

  
“Hey wee brother, how are you?” Nori asked with an innocent smile. “Och! Drop it, you!” Ori burst out; he had no patience for his brother’s games right now! Nori just smiled. “Besides from looking a little embarrassed, you look happy. You and Fili are good again, then?” he asked in a low voice. A warm and happy smile appeared on Ori’s face. Nori laughed quietly. “I’m glad and happy for you but maybe you should think of dead fish from time to time.” He blinked an eye and Ori shuddered. He hated dead uncooked fish. But his brother was right, it was helping. Grinning brightly he said: “thank you for your support! It means a lot to me!” Nori brushed lovingly over his hair. “I know, wee brother and I will have your back, whatever you decide to do. I want to see you happy and I know Dori feels the same. Just one thing, please be gentle with him. He has only your best interest in mind… It’s enough that he can’t protect me…”Ori chuckled, His brother was sincere. Nori knew his faults but he had always stayed loyal to his family. “I will be careful, I promise you!”

 

 

 _Ori is sitting alone again. Listening to the healer's memories of his One had been strangely comforting. Ori isn’t feeling so alone anymore._  
_The other dwarf had been so delighted when Ori had shown him his drawing. With the tales of the other, Ori had remembered more and more of the pretty and young dwarven lady and the drawing became more and more lively. When he handed it over to the healer, a tender smile spread on his face. He stroked it with careful, tender fingers. He tried to thank Ori, but no word left his mouth, so Ori just smiled, squeezed his shoulder and said: “You are welcome.” The other nodded a thanks, holding the parchment like the most precious thing in the world and at this moment, it was for him._  
_Ori is still smiling slightly. The hurt is a little more bearable now. As he falls asleep, this time his dreams are much more peaceful._


	11. Creatures from legends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it had taken so long to update... Due to many night shifts and pretty busy and hard shifts over Christmas compared with sleeping problems I wasn't able to do much. I hope you will enjoy the next chapters my lovely beta reader #flawedM had worked on the last moth.  
> With that, have fun and thanks #flawedM for betareading!

_Ori feels much better than he had in the last few days. He has slept deep and dreamless for a few hours. He is much calmer now, still with no hope to survive this, but speaking with the healer somehow brought him some peace._   
_Ori is sure now that he will meet his beloved in Mahaal’s hall, but before that he has to fulfil his duty. Finishing the chronicles he is writing for years now, so that the journey to the lonely Mountain and the attempt to reclaim Moria will not be forgotten. This is his responsibility, his duty to his people. But the most important task is to remember, to remember his One, in every aspect - not only his looks, his achievements. No, Ori needs to remember what made Fili his One, all the small things…, the warm smiles, the tenderness, his unquestionable loyalty to him, to his brother and to his family._   
_After Ori wakes, he knows all that with a certainty he has felt only a very few times in his life. If he doesn’t open up for the memories and the feelings, he will not be able to find his One in the halls. It doesn’t matter how much it will hurt._   
_Ori shudders, takes a deep breath and starts writing again…_

After the fun in the fountain, Ori was looking forward to another passionate night with his One, but it came different than expected.

Thorin had left to meet with Gandalf and Lord Elrond, and meanwhile the whole company had huddled together in anticipation of what was to come. It had taken only a short glance between the lovers to see that the other was thinking exactly the same. There was no way they would try to slip away and in the end it had been their luck. Both of them didn’t know what would have happened if they had been away, and it was probably safer to not think about it.

After what felt like ages Thorin had returned with hope in his eyes, and ordered them to get ready as soon as possible.  
The Company left Rivendell in the early hours of the new day. The elven city laid in the golden glow of dawn. Ori could see Bilbo looking back longingly, and Thorin reminded him harshly to keep up. Ori shook his head. The Hobbit was different from them, yes, in some ways even strange, but was it necessary to treat him like that?

The company had been able to leave Rivendell without being noticed and Thorin was rushing them towards the mountains. The weather was still good, and he hoped to be over them before rain would come. It was already lurking at the horizon. But luck wasn’t with them. Even with a hard pace and a minimum rest, the company got caught by the rain.

Climbing through the mountains was difficult, because of the wet and slippery stones. The path got more and more narrow and then hell broke loose. Thunder and lightning shook the earth, rocks were raining down. Everyone was trying to avoid the deadly downpour as best as possible. It was particularly hard for their Hobbit. He was much more delicate than the dwarves. What would bring the dwarves just some light discomfort, would be a critical injury for Bilbo. And in this situation, it was pretty dangerous for the dwarves too. But the Hobbit was light and swift on his feet, and it made it much easier for him to climb up the narrow path.

Ori nearly fell, when a violent rattle shook the mountain in the middle of a long step over some fallen rocks. His foot lost its hold when the stone beneath it broke of. In the last second he managed to throw his whole weight away from the abyss and landed hard on his side. He was gasping for air. That was close. A fall like that, even a dwarf wouldn't have survived Trying to get up with his entire luggage on his back wasn’t easy and once he managed to stand up, he saw it! It hadn’t been the thunder and the lightning rattling the mountain. Creatures from legends were rising out of the stone. Monstrous arms and bodies of moving stone, ready to throw rocks like small mountains at one another, and in the middle, there were their small group on this so narrow path. No protection, no chance to find shelter or to run. Ori’s heart was racing. Oh Mahaal! They needed luck, much of it.

His eyes were searching for Fili. He was further ahead. As Ori found him, his heart nearly stopped. Directly in front of his One, the stone opened and broke. For a short moment, Ori feared he would fall. Then he saw Fili‘s desperate attempt to reach his brothers hand but couldn’t reach him. The front group was moved away, out of reach and out of side.

Ori gasped. They were loosing the others! There was no way reaching them and there was no way out…  
Fili’s head turned. He looked so desperate and Ori couldn’t reach him for comfort. He tried to lay all his love and his support in his gaze. Their eyes locked for a few seconds and Fili nodded slightly in thanks.

Another violent shake and moving of the earth, another downpour of stones, and there was a path again. Fili motioned for them to continue. They were climbing over traitorous, slippery rocks for what felt hours. The fight of the giants continued and stone was raining down. The only thing the group could do was to make sure that they would survive. Later would be time to think about how they may find the rest of the company, if…; Ori slipped again, but this time he found his footing faster.

This was not the time to think what might have happened to the others. First they had to survive this, then was the time to think of what happened to the rest of the group and how they could rescue them.

The shaking of the earth and the raining of rocks finally eased and stopped for good. The whole group was still alive. While stopping and catching their breath, Fili made sure that everyone was ok. His gaze lingered a little longer on Ori than on the rest and he smiled softly, just for him. Nonetheless, Ori could see the concern and the worry in the blonde’s eyes. His brother and uncle were missing and Fili would do everything in his power to find them.

Ori was proud of him. Fili was a leader, calm and thoughtful. He was taking on his responsibility as the heir to Thorin. He had never asked for it, he probably had wished for a different life. Ori knew, Fili was as wild as his brother in his mind, but he had taken on his duty to his people. Learned everything he had to, to grow into the leader his people needed. If Thorin wasn’t there, Fili could lead the company. He had to fight much more than Thorin would have to, but he could and he would do it well. But Fili would never challenge his uncle. He was the silent support in the background you would only notice when needed, as it was right now.

They could hear footsteps and suddenly, Thorin emerged with the rest of the company.

Relief flooded though Ori. Everyone was safe and, as it seemed, uninjured. He could see Fili rush to his brother’s side, looking him up and down. Kili was grinning sheepishly and Ori could imagine what he was saying to the blonde, who rolled his eyes and smiled as well.

The stone was still slippery and due to an uncareful step, Bilbo tripped and nearly fell into the depth.

Ori was on his feet immediately, trying to catch the Hobbit’s hand, but Bilbo wasn’t able to reach it, neither his nor Bofur’s. Thorin jumped down beside him on a spur of rock and heaved Bilbo up.

But at the same time the Hobbit reached safe ground, Thorin slipped and nearly fell. Ori froze. Time was ticking by, a blink of an eye felt like eternity. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe…. And then Dwalin caught Thorin’s hand and heaved him up.

Ori was shaking. What else was there to come? At least a dragon, but he had never thought that the way to their deadly foe would be that dangerous.

Thorin rushed them forward. It was still raining heavily, and they still needed shelter. Finally, the head of the group vanished into an opening in the stone.

Ori could see Fili threw a glance in to the cavern, but then waited for him. Soon, the two dwarves stood there alone and Ori grabbed Fili’s face and kissed him. All the fear, the desperation laid in that kiss. For a short moment, Ori had thought he had lost Fili.

Strong arms held him. He could feel the same desperation in Fili’s hold on him. When the kiss broke, none of them said a word. They just looked deep into each other’s eyes, seeing all their feelings mirrored. Fili stroked softly over Ori’s cheek and kissed him tenderly again. “Be careful!” Fili whispered between kisses, “I need you!” “I could say the same to you!” Both dwarves chuckled quietly and kissed again.

 

_Ori is smiling, despite the ache in his chest. He nearly can feel Fili’s arms around him, feeling the tickling of his moustache's braids. He has always liked them and he has loved to play with them, with his fingers and his mouth._

_Yes Ori knows, back in front of the cave, Fili had meant much more than that he just needed his lover safe. Sometime later, Fili had told him that seeing Ori and his silent support for him had kept him moving that day. Fili hadn’t been sure if had been able to go on without Ori._

_Ori’s mind is drifting off. What would have been if Fili had lived? Would they now live in Erebor? How their life would be like? … Ori shakes his head. These thoughts have to wait until later, so he takes a deep breath, packs his journal away carefully and joins the other dwarves. He wants to know what is planned for the next days, if there is any strategy or if the group will just stay and wait. Not that it matters much, but he wants to know anyway._


	12. Goblins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be careful if if violence an torture triggers you. Better don't read this! 
> 
> Thanks my dear @flawless-dwarves for betareading!

_Ori is tired. The remaining group of dwarves is running out of water and food. The provisions had been restricted for days by now but it is evident now that they will not last much longer if they are not able to get - at least - water._

_A small party just left the great hall through a hidden side entrance. It is their best chance to reach the lake and provide the rest of them with the much needed water._   
_The only thing the remaining dwarves can do is pray to the maker and distract the orcs. A few brave ones - or maybe more desperate ones, who have lost their hope and therefore aren‘t afraid to die anymore - have just left for an outfall short after the other group has left._

_The noises of fighting are clearly audible. What Ori can see through a small breach in the door, is that the fighters are doing great. They are fighting with everything they have, and it is clear that not one of them is afraid to die._

_Ori closes the door as silently as possible. He sits down at his usual place and starts writing about the plans, and describes the heroic acts of each of the dwarf who has left with one or the other party. He also adds a small portrait of them next to the text._

 

The rest was short lived. Ori woke from a hushed conversation between Bilbo and Bofur.  
Ori could pick up only a few words, but the context seemed clear: the Hobbit intended to leave. It was no wonder, after Thorin’s harsh treatment. Yes, the Hobbit wasn’t an "adventure- and expedition-" type, but he was keeping up with them just fine and doing his best to adjust to the strains of travelling.

Ori wasn’t sure why Gandalf thought Bilbo was important to reclaim Erebor, but the mind of a wizard was full of strange things and they seemed to see the world a little different, so it was up to the company to trust his judgement.

Ori liked Bilbo. The Hobbit was a kind of fellow soul; he was some kind of an archivist himself. He had discovered that Bilbo enjoyed to gather knowledge and was always eager to learn more over his companions. Most times, he spoke to Balin, but from time to time he joined Ori too, and they discussed many different topics. Ori tried his best to tell him as much as possible, without giving the secrets of their race away.

Bilbo turned away and started to leave. Ori sighed inwardly; he would miss the Hobbit… Before Ori could think anything more, the ground started to move and he rushed to stand up and grab his belongings, before all hell broke loose anew.

The ground opened, and the company was barely standing before they fell. Still disorientated from the fall, the dwarves were rushed by goblins, many goblins. As best they could, the company tried to defend themselves, but the Goblins were too many, too fast. It had been an excellent trap. With much fighting and shouting, the dwarves were taken by the goblins and brought before the Goblin king, an ugly and disgusting, enormous monstrosity. Ori had never seen anything like that in his life. And then, that disgusting thing started to sing. No!... you couldn’t say it was singing; it was an agonizing, painful sounds and that thing was moving with all its bulge and everything on it was moving, its belly, the skin of its fat legs, its goitre. That was the most horrible side, that moving and swinging ugly piece of flesh.

Ori was still so shell-shocked from the sight that he barely noticed Thorin’s arguing and fighting with words, but nothing penetrated his mind really.  
When he was dragged away from his brothers to the front of the company, some words finally reached his ears and penetrated the fog in his mind. "Maybe we should start to torture the youngest of your company, Thorin no- King under the mountain?!“ he heard the mocking voice of the Goblin king.

It wasn’t making any sense. Why was he dragged to the forefront? Oh my, they wanted to torture Kili… In that moment he met Fili’s eyes. The blue orbs were filled with horror and fear, and then he understood… He could see Fili fighting with all his might to get lose, to come to him, to protect him. The blonde dwarf was shouting at the top of his lungs, but it couldn't be heard over the noise. The Goblins thought he was the youngest… "Oh Mahaal!“ Ori started to toss and turn and tried everything to get lose, but every time he was able to slip out of the grasp of one goblin, there was just another one to grab him again. There was nothing he could do to escape…

Ori steeled himself. He would endure, he would not die! He would at least try his best not to, but he would not shame his One, his brothers and the rest of the company for sure. If he had to go, he would do so as a proud dwarf.  
He tried to smooth his face into a fierce mask. When he finally reached the ground, he stood straight, with his head held high and proud.

The goblin king walked towards him, sneering with his head tilted to one side. He was assessing Ori, stroking with one ugly, fat finger over Ori’s beard. He tried his best not to shudder. “My, my, what have we here? You can’t even tell if it is a girl or a boy with these dwarves. But this one must be a female, so slender and delicate, and with such a flimsy beard!…“ the goblin king laughed, spiteful. Ori could see the hateful mocking in the eyes of the goblin. The king knew fully well that Ori was male and that he was everything but frail.

Ori took a breath. He would not lose his composure. He stood straight and stoic, pretending the words couldn’t hurt him.  
„Och! How adorable, what brave little girl. Standing there, straight and upright… but it isn’t working, little missy! I can see the fear in your eyes. Let's see if we can make you squeal like the little girl you are?“ Ori could feel something cold on his cheek. It was probably a knife. Bile was raising in his throat, he wanted to scream, but he wouldn’t! He wouldn’t give this creature the satisfaction!

A sharp pain cut into his cheek but no sound came over his lips and he didn’t move an inch.  
"No! Ori!“ he heard the desperate cry of his One. Oh Mahaal, now it was starting. Bearing the pain and knowing that he would most likely die was one thing, but knowing that Fili would see it, without a chance to escape or help him, broke Ori‘s heart. He just hoped it wouldn’t break his One. He needed to stay focused. They couldn’t help Ori any more, but maybe the torture would hopefully distract the goblins, so that the company had a chance to flee. Then, his sacrifice at least would have had a meaning… A second cut was applied just above the first and then his tunic was ripped apart. The goblins sheered and laughed.

Ori still didn’t move and still no sound was crossing his lips. "Slash!“ Now Ori gasped for air. A whip had hit his bear back.  
"Ah! there finally! The little missy starts squeaking!“ the goblin king laughed gleefully. "You want more?“ From thousands of throats came the chanted replay: "More! More! More!...“  
"Slash!, Slash!, Slash!“ Three more whips, but this time Ori made no sound. This time he wasn’t surprised. The pain was agonizing, but he was a dwarf, he could endure this!

His eyes were searching for Fili. He needed something to keep him upright, to focus on. The blonde dwarf’s face was horrified, his mouth moving, chanting desperate: "No! No! No!“. If it was out loud or silent, Ori couldn’t tell over the noise of the goblins. "Slash!“ the next whip hit him. A single tear escaped his One’s eyes but his eyes never leaving him. Fili was giving as much support as he could.

With the next whip, Ori could feel his skin breaking. Blood ran down his back. Locking his gaze with Fili’s held him still upright through every hit. Ori wasn’t sure how long he could endure this. He started shaking and his knees went weak. Just when he thought he would fall, a bright white light appeared and threw everyone off their feet.

Ori lay on the ground gasping for air. "Take up weapons! Fight! Fight!“ shouted the wizard.

Strong arms grabbed Ori, helped him on his feet and his tunic was pulled up. In the next moment, he held Dwalin’s war-hammer in hand and he was fighting for his life. Fighting and running, there was no space left for any thoughts. He couldn’t remember what had happened then in goblin town.

 

_Ori shudders. He can still feel the pain of the whipping but what had been worse had been the desperation and helplessness in Fili’s eyes. Today Ori can imagine what Fili felt back then. There hadn’t been much hope that they could have saved Ori, and Fili had known… Ori closes his eyes. Fili’s desperate, fearful eyes will haunt Ori for the rest of his life._   
_He wishes he could take his One into his arms, hold him, comfort him until they both feel better._


	13. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the conversation at the end are direct quotes from the film: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, as you probably noticed... (lost the marking somewhere in the process of editing...)
> 
> And again a big thanks to @flawless-dwarves for beta- reading!

_It is silent outside. No fight is audible anymore. Ori isn’t sure for how long. The brave warriors are probably dead and the party to retrieve some water hasn’t returned yet. If they ever return._  
_Ori has finished his work on the chronicles for now. He is stashing the large journal carefully away and takes out his private one._  
_He is slowly browsing through the pages, rereading what he has written till now. The pain has strangely lessened a little, it is more comforting, like meeting an old friend. When he reaches the end, Ori takes up his quill and starts writing again_.

Ori had no memories on how they had gotten out of goblin town. The first thing he could remember clearly was when he reached open air. Standing there, in the approaching dawn, under huge pine trees, Dori and Nori were at his side and Dori was talking and talking, running around him, tugging at his tunic, but Ori didn’t notice it really. He only had eyes for one. When Fili finally emerged on the clearing, everything Ori held in his hands fell to the ground and he ran, ran to his One, into his arms. He needed Fili! He needed to show his One that he was ok, he needed to chase away that tormented look in his eyes. He needed to feel him, be close to him.

In the moment Ori started running, Fili noticed him, turning away from the conversation with his uncle, eyes locked with Ori’s and opening his arms.  
Ori crushed into him and Fili held him, tight but careful not to hurt his back. A long moment past before he found his voice. It was trembling. "Oh Mahaal! I thought I would lose you! - Oh Mahaal! Ori…“ Ori lifted his head from Fili‘s chest and looked him in the eyes. "I’m still here, I’m still here, love!….“ He whispered, tears dwelling up in his eyes and suddenly, violent sobs were shaking his whole body.

Slowly, Fili got to the ground with him, cradling him in his arms. All the fear, all the pain, were breaking lose right that moment.  
Fili was stroking over his hair, mumbling endearments.

Ori had no idea how much time passed until he was able to collect himself. He took a deep breath and lifted his head again, nearly drowning once more in the blue eyes of his One. Caressing Fili’s face, he leaned forward and kissed him. The other dwarf melted into the kiss. This kiss meant so much, Ori couldn’t find the words to describe it.

When they broke the kiss, Ori whispered "I love you!“ Fili brushed their foreheads together, inhaling deeply. A storm of emotions were playing in the blonde's eyes. "Please let me see your back, so I can take care of you. “Fili’s voice was hoarse and shaky. Ori turned slowly. When Fili pealed of the bloody, sticking fabric, a hiss of pain escaped Ori’s mouth. The feeling was slowly returning, and that wasn‘t good.  
Fili tried not to show his horror and discomfort, but Ori noticed his sharp intake of breath when his One could see what the whip had done to his flesh.  
From the pain he was feeling and from Fili’s reaction, it must have been much worse than he had initially thought. But it didn’t matter! He was alive and he was with his One! That was what counted.

Ori felt another presence behind him and turned his head. It was Oin, who inspected his back carefully. With tender hands, he applied some paste. The first contact was pretty painful, but then Ori could feel the cooling and numbing effect. He sight in relief. Afterwards, he was wrapped in bandages and dressed up again. "Thank you!“ Oin shook his head. "You’re brave and strong laddy! Take care that you don’t reopen the wounds!“ With that, the healer turned and walked away.  
Fili reached for Ori’s hand to pull him up. "Can you stand?“ His voice was heavy with concern. "It’s much better, now. The balm is a relief.“ Fili nodded and took him once more into his arms and kissing him softly.

"Where is the Hobbit?“ Gandalf rushed towards the gathered dwarves, looking around frantically. "Where is Bilbo?“  
Fili and Ori looked at each other, separated and started to look for the Halfling themselves, but they couldn’t see him.  
Suddenly Thorin’s harsh, and what Ori felt, mean voice was heard: "I’ll tell you what happened. Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it! He’s thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door. We will not be seeing our hobbit again, he is long gone.“  
"No, he isn’t!“ Bilbo‘s familiar voice rang in the air and there he stood, a little dishevelled, with some more stains and wrinkles in his clothes, but otherwise looked uninjured.  
Ori was relieved, and it was mirrored in the faces of the other dwarves, only Thorin looked suspicious. What was it? Why did the King resented Bilbo so much? Ori couldn’t get his mind around it. He needed to ask Fili later, maybe he understood it better.  
"Bilbo Baggins. I’ve never been so glad to see anyone in my life.“ The wizard said, relief clear in his voice.  
"How on earth did you get past the goblins?“ Fili asked with wonder. Gandalf brushed him of: "Oh, what does it matter? He’s back.“  
With a calm and dangerous voice, Thorin replied: “It matters. I want to know. Why did you come back?“

It was silent for a moment before Bilbo took a deep breath: "Look, I know you doubt me. I know…I know you always have. And you’re right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my arm chair, and my garden. See, that’s where I belong. That’s home. And that’s why I came back, cause…you don’t have one. A home. It was taken from you, but I will help you take it back if I can.”

Silence fell over the group. Some of them looked embarrassed, some glad and hopeful. Everything in Ori had fought against the thought that Bilbo had left them, even after he had seen and heard parts of the hushed conversation between Bofur and the Hobbit. Ori didn’t know why, but in some way, he trusted Bilbo, and as it seemed he was right to do so. Bilbo’s words had moved him deeply.

A howl cut into the silence. Oh Mahaal! Orcs! The dwarves were stunned for a second, before they moved frantically and the wizard shouted for them to run. And running they were, deep into the forest and into the night.  
Ori‘s back was hurting like hell, but he moved further, not stopping once! He had just survived and surviving he would! He wouldn’t give up because of a bit of pain. Not now!

 

_Ori can hear silent footsteps coming for the hidden pathway. Have the Orcs found it? He does not dare to hope that it might be their fellow dwarves. He stands up, grabbing his helmet and sword, and waits._  
_Ready to fight anything that could come through that pathway and to his utmost surprise, it is a dwarf._  
_From the group of six, four survived and they bring water and some fishes. Ori shudders. He still has this deep dislike for dead uncooked fish._  
_These dwarves are amazing, they have got them water and food._  
_Later that day, everyone has a nicely filled and warm belly. They have nothing to preserve the fishes, so why not eating them all. The returning dwarves have assured them that it is possible to get to the lake once more but there is no way out. The attempt to find a way out of the valley has cost the two other dwarves their lifes._

_For a short while, a tiny spark of hope has flickered in Ori, that maybe at least a few of them will be able to return to Erebor. If they are able to reach the lake, there must be a way out of the valley, mustn’t it? But this little sparkle is extinguished now. There is no way out left open for them._  
_There's no hope for his survival. Ori has made his peace. He would have fought for the survival of the others, for their chance to live. And he will do so till his last breath. If there is any chance for at least one dwarf to survive this, he will do everything in his power to see to it that this dwarf can take it._


	14. Eagles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @flawless-dwarves for beta- reading!

_After the meal, the dwarves are still huddled around the small simmering fire. Everyone is soaking up the warmth. No one is speaking, each and every dwarf seems to be in deep thoughts far, far away but after a long time, one of the youngest members of the group looks up directly at Ori. He is blushing a bit but asks: "Master Ori, you have been on the quest to Erebor all these years ago, right? Would you mind to tell us about it?“ Ori has to smile, he still can’t get his head around it - that he is "Master Ori“ now - he is so for many years, but he still doesn’t feel like it._

_The young dwarf’s eyes are sparkling with excitement. How could Ori possibly say no? The young ones are always so eager to hear the stories directly for someone of the company, and he can understand that. In the books, everything is written down accurately, yes, of cause, he had done most of the work with Balin, but it contains only the heroic tails, which are meant for the great libraries, for teaching and for showing the glory of the line of Durin, what remained of it at least… Unlike so many other huge quests and campaigns, there is no journey-diary existing, because Ori had never been able to finish it in his grief._

_It is finished now. He had been able to do so days ago, but now the text would probably never reach the great library of Erebor._   
_Ori has used the second half of the journal to write down the events here in Moria and is still doing it._

_The young warrior is nervous. Usually, no one dares to ask Ori to talk about the quest. Everyone knew that he had lost his One in the end, and usually Ori gets angry when anyone just mentions it. Until now, it was his usual behaviour, because it was hurting so much. But not today; today he feels the need to talk about it and to remember properly, not his private moments, but he wants to talk about the great companionship and all the small things, like their jokes, the fun they had and the danger they had been in. So Ori starts to tell his story. Every single dwarf is listening with attention. They make no sound, only the occasional Boom out of the depth is noticeable every once in a while._

 

The company was running for their lifes. The orcs and wargs were at their heels, coming closer. Ori was carrying Dwalin‘s hammer again.  
Never had he been so glad of having a proper weapon than in this moment, when a warg was chasing him. Ori half turned and swung the hammer over to the head of the beast. It fell dead to the ground, but the next was already on its way.  
Gandalf shouted for them to climb into the trees. Ori didn’t think twice, he heaved himself up the next pine and then he saw it. They had reached a cliff. There was no way out. Straight on the ground fell hundreds of meters deep, and on the way back the wargs with their orc- riders were waiting for them. The creatures knew that the dwarves had no way out. There he stood, Azorc the defiler. Sneering. On his command, the wargs started to hit the trees with their full weight and tried to jump up the pines.

Ori looked around; there was Fili sitting in the next tree with his brother. Their gazes met shortly, ensuring each other.  
The wargs were still jumping at the trees and it was working. The tree Ori was sitting on collapsed. With a frantic jump, Ori reached the next one. But the falling tree had set a domino effect into motion, so the whole company was now jumping like monkeys from tree to tree until they reached the last one. And by Mahaal‘s beard, it was holding for now. The wargs were still crushing the tree and it could only be minutes before it would fall.

There would be two probably fatal choices, a fall with the tree or a fight. With the first option, they would die for certain, with the second, it was as likely as the first but at least they would fight and had a tiny chance….  
Fire erupted at the front paws of a warg. Ori tried to find the source of the fire. It was Gandalf who had lit up a pine corn and threw it. Now he was giving Fili a burning one. The dwarf lit the corns of the dwarves around him and threw it too.  
When Ori finally threw his lit corn, too, the plain was burning nicely and holding of the wargs. Was the fire the key to defeat the orcs?

Ori was torn out of his musings, when the tree gave way and fell. It was still holding, not falling into the abyss.

Because of the movement, a branch hit Ori‘s back, he cried out in pain and lost his grip. He was falling. At the last second, he was able to grip Dori’s leg; it was the only thing that kept him from falling. He grabbed it desperately but Dori was also loosing his hold. He shouted for Gandalf, who was able to catch them at the last moment with his staff.  
Ori was dangling in the air, at his brothers leg, who was clutching the wizards staff desperately. He would have laughed over the absurdity of the situation, if he weren’t going to die.

He could see Fili‘s back. So far, the blonde dwarf was safe, as safe as one could be in such a situation. His eyes were fixed on something. It looked like he hadn’t noticed Ori’s situation. He wasn’t sure if he was glad. Fili would have done anything to save him, but there was nothing he could have done really. In his frantic attempts to do something, he may have worsened the whole situation.

Fili was now shouting for his uncle. Ori had no idea what was happening. Was Thorin fighting Azog?  
More desperate cries from the other dwarves were heard, and Dori was fighting with everything he had to hold on to the staff.  
It was clear that Dori couldn’t hold on much longer. Ori tried his best not to move.

Now he could hear the company shout out for Bilbo. Suddenly, the other dwarves entangled themselves from the tree and started running with a war cry, Fili leading them.

Ori closed his eyes. In this moment, Dori lost his grip and they fell. After a short - too short moment, he guessed - he landed, soft and was carried away. He slowly opened his eyes. Dori was sitting in front of him and they were flying - on an eagle.

He grabbed his brother tighter. What a wonder both of them were alive and they were flying on an eagle. Ori looked around, and he could see that more of the majestic birds were picking up the rest of the company. Thorin was dangling, unconscious, in the claws of one of the birds." By Mahaal", he prayed, "please let him be alive!“

There, there was Fili with his brother and the siblings looked uninjured. Ori sighed in relief, as did Fili when he saw Ori and smiled a tiny smile. It was obvious that he was to concerned with the injuries of his uncle for more than a short glance. "Thorin!“ Fili shouted distress obvious in his voice. But there was no response. Thorin was still unconscious. They could do nothing until the eagles brought them back to the ground.

Dori turned carefully and observed him for a long moment. Ori straightened himself. He was not able to read his brother's expression. His stomach turned. This, now, was a complete different kind of fear. He desired his brothers approval, but that was hopeless. He and Fili had broken so many rules. Dori had always spoken of how important it would be that Ori would stick to the rules of society, and therefor for courting, to be able to get a good match.

In silence, Ori had always dreamed of finding his One. Yes he was a romantic. But the reality was more likely that he would find a suitable partner, preferably a female one and would court her as it was proper. … He never liked this version, but also had never talked with Dori about it. He was so young and it was all so far away. He wanted to have some fun, nothing inappropriate, and then it just happened.

"Dori?“ his voice shaking and very quiet. "He is your One, isn’t he?“ Dori asked. There was still no emotion readable out of his voice or his eyes.  
Ori inhaled deeply and straightened his back: „Yes, Dori he is!“ A smile spread on his brother's face, but Ori could see the short flicker of sadness clearly, before it vanished.

"You have me speechless here, wee brother. My head is screaming at me to lecture you how inappropriate it is, what you are doing, and that you are no match for a prince. Don’t get me wrong, Ori, please! You are my dear brother, and from the opinion of my heart, there can be next to no one good enough for you. I mean it from a social point of view….“

Ori observed his brother carefully. If he had to, he would stand against his brother. He wanted his approval, but he didn’t need it. He needed Fili! Wasn’t his brother aware of how strong a bond to a One was? It was holding for a lifetime and longer. Ori was puzzled.

Dori took his hand. "After today, I’m not so sure if it is always the best to listen to the mind only. Ori, my heart is approving. He was fighting so desperate for you. If I had time to think over it back at Goblin town, I probably would have realized it earlier, before you ran into his arms.“

Ori could feel his eyes misting. Dori wasn’t angry. He understood. Ori croaked out a quiet thank you before tears trickled down his cheeks. His brother held him and stroked his hair. When the tears ran dry, Dori asked carefully: "Would you like to tell me about it?“ and Ori told him nearly everything, when he first realized that Fili was his One and how they had intended to keep it secret until after the quest, and how hard it had been to be separated for long, or seeing each other but not being able to talk properly or get any physical contact, and how Fili had thought over leaving and that Ori would have followed. Dori‘s hand tightened. "So you are absolute sure, I can see that.“ Dori stated in a gentle voice. "You can be sure that I will never try to separate you two! It is Mahaal‘s blessing that you two found each other! I’ll be there for you whenever you need me, Ori! You are my wee brother, and I promised our mother to protect you and to see to it that you are happy, and that I will do!“ Ori was amazed and overwhelmed. He did not know what to say. He leaned forward and touched their foreheads together.

Dori still held him and Ori slowly turned so that his back rested against his brothers. It took him a while to find a position which wasn’t hurting.

"You looked so hurt earlier…?“ Ori didn’t finish the question. It stayed hanging openly between them for a moment. His brother sighed and started to tell him what had happened before he even was born. There was so much pain, Ori wondered how he had never noticed it before, but Dori had always shielded him, protected him from the cruelty of the world, so it shouldn’t be a surprise, really.

Dori told him that, back when he was just a little older than Ori, he had found his One. She had been his world, his everything. They had just married and started their own life, when an accident happened in the stores. It had been a fire, it had consumed everything but the worst, his wife had been in the stores. She was searching linen for a customer, when the fire started. She never had a chance to escape.

Ori was crying silently. He held hid brother's hand and snuggled closer. He couldn’t find words. "Short after, you were born and mother died. Now I had a dwarfling to take care of, and it was the greatest mercy in this situation. You were so adorable, you made me laugh and see a future in life, even without my beloved. I had a new purpose in life.“ It was silent for a long time. Dori was holding him tight and Ori was stroking his brother's hand.

"I love you, Dori! I’m so glad and thankful to have you as my brother. Thank you for taking care of me all those years!“ Ori’s voice was hoarse. He could hear a quiet sniffle. His brother was crying too, and giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

 

_Later it had been Dori who had taken care of Ori again, after the battle. He had helped him so much, teaching him how to go on, to live his life alone. Since then, the brothers had been even closer. Dori died a few years ago now. He died peacefully, of old age._

_Ori’s mouth is dry, his voice hoarse and he stops talking. "We should find some rest now. I will tell more later, I promise.“_

_The dwarves are looking a little more peaceful. For them, it was a story, a real one, but no one had participated in it beside Ori, and therefore it is something to distract them from the harsh reality._


	15. golden dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a huge thanks again to my dear flawless-dwarves for beta-reading ;-)

_Everything is quiet now. The remaining dwarves are sleeping, and by their looks, kind of peacefully - as much as it is possible in this situation._   
_The group is feeling as they are part of something big, like the quest to Erebor. Only right now, it doesn’t matter that they will probably never come back home, and that no one will tell the heroic tales of the dwarves who reclaimed Moria._   
_Right here and there, the spirit of the line of Durin, the spirit of Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain, is with them, and it gives them hope._   
_In Ori’s heart, there's not only Thorin with them. There are also the heirs, and specially Fili. It has been years since Ori has felt so close to him, and it is the first time that the memories aren’t painful. For the first time in his life, he is grateful that he has met his One and that he had at least a few precious months with him. There are so many who never have the luxury to experience that kind of bond._

 

Dori helped Ori climbing down from the eagles' back. They were standing on a plateau in the soft glow of the coming dawn. The flight had been spectacular. If the situation wasn’t so dire, Ori would have written poems over the beauty of the landscape and the excitement brought by flying on the back of an eagle of the west, and he would paint.  
The fantastic experience was dulled by the concern about Thorin and the pain which erupted from his back with every move.  
Ori could barely stand upright. He tried hard not to show it, but of course, his brother noticed and reached for his arm.  
Dori supported him while walking over to the place where Thorin was laying, motionless, with Gandalf kneeling over him, whispering foreign words.  
Kili and Fili watched them with horror on their faces. But where Kili’s distress was obvious, you had to know Fili quite well to see it behind his grim and determined face.  
And suddenly, their leader moved, opening his eyes as if he had just taken a short nap and not as if he had been mortally wounded. His eyes were searching around as he stood up. No one said a word. Ori even held his breath.  
Thorin’s hash voice rang in their ears: “The Halfling?” Everyone who hadn't been holding his breath so far, was doing so now. Ori felt sorry for Bilbo. As it seemed, not even his speech of helping them to find a new home had appeased Thorin. What was wrong here? Ori had only ever seen Thorin as a just, kind and forgiving ruler, who was doing everything in his power to help his people. Why was he so unjust to the Hobbit?  
“It’s alright. Bilbo is here, he’s quite safe.” Gandalf answered quickly.  
“You! What were you doing?” Thorin continued in an even harder voice, “You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild, and you had no place amongst us!” Thorin moved toward Bilbo. “I have never been so wrong, in all my life!” he added and hugged the hobbit tight with a warm and fond smile on his lips. “But, I’m sorry I doubted you.” Bilbo’s cheeks were slightly flushed but a happy smile appeared on his face, “No, I…I would have doubted me too. I’m not a hero, nor a warrior. Not even a burglar “  
The Company was still stunned, still quiet, but now in amazement. Gandalf’s relieved laughter broke the spell and the dwarves broke out into cheers.

The sight of the leaving eagles into the dawn, over the green valleys and alongside the harsh mountains, which descended into a plain, was amazing, Everything was immersed into an orange-golden glow. Ori’s eyes followed the plain and his breath stuck again. He could feel a hand in his and a low whisper, “there it is, The Lonely Mountain - Erebor.”  
Ori leaned into Fili’s shoulder, not taking his eyes away from the peak until the sun was nearly gone and Thorin called them to hurry. The company needed to use the lead ahead they had on the orcs due to the flight. It wouldn’t take long for the creatures to reach the group on wargs' backs.

Ori gritted his teeth and groaned inwardly. He just hoped he could keep up with the rest of the group. He grabbed his bag. It wasn’t much but it felt like a tonne and placing it over his shoulders and his back… even the movement to do so was nearly enough to bring him to his knees.  
Fili stepped up beside him. “Give me this! I’ll carry it!” and took his bag from his hands, placing it over his own shoulders. “And now let me see you back” Ori shook his head. “No! We need to leave…” he protested weakly. “What use is it to hurry when you collapse on the road?!” Fili’s voice was harsh, but Ori knew that his concern was colouring it. He let Fili move his shirt up and from his lips escaped a harsh intake of breath, when the bandages loosened where they got stuck with dried blood. He could hear Fili swallowing, and then felt the blonde’s hands carefully apply the balm on his wound. It drove tears into Ori’s eyes. The wounds must have worsened during the fight. Fili’s hands were so gentle and careful, but nonetheless Ori had to fight with everything within him not scream or cry. When finally the numbing effect set in, a shaky breath escaped his mouth. Fili pretended not to have noticed; he just wrapped him in the bandages again and put his shirt back into place. But he then turned him around and kissed him, stroking his shoulders.

The dwarves had been marching for hours down the hills and onto the plains. After quite some time, the howling of the wargs was audible again and it was coming nearer.  
Bilbo was off scouting. He was the lightest on his feet and stood the best chances not to be caught.  
When he returned, his face was grave. The wargs were close, too close actually, but what troubled the Hobbit the most was a huge bear-like creature. Gandalf was clearly avoiding answering to Bilbo’s questions, instead he told them of a house he wasn’t sure if the owner was willing to help them or not.

Ori sighed inwardly. Once again, they had two options, one would kill them for certain and the other just probably…, well, what to make of that? So the company ran once again for their lives, down the hills and across the fields. They could feel the orcs breathing down their necks and the huge black creature right on their heels. Ori wasn’t sure for how long he could keep up. He was starting to feel dizzy and light headed, and placing one food in front of the other as fast as possible, was his only focus. One dwarf after the other ran past him, even Bombur. With his last bit of strength, Ori reached the door which just opened. He stumbled through it and collapsed panting on the floor.

His back was hurting, like someone was rubbing salt into the wounds. He could feel huge damp spots on the bandages when he reached out with his hand. It wasn’t sweat. When Ori looked at his fingers, they were stained with red. He gulped, still breathing heavily and his vision blurring.  
Ori was just lying on the floor, unable to move just an inch. Everyone around him was busy exploring the house, listening to Gandalf, whatever he was saying…  
Ori let his head fall onto his arms and closed his eyes. It was impossible to keep them open. The rustling and shovelling had faded into the background, as had the voices. Ori was cocooned into blissful warmth and silent blankness. Nothing could reach him, even the pain was dulled and faded into the background, it simply didn’t matter anymore. Here were no Orcs, no Goblins, no dragons who wanted to kill him, no pain and no exhaustion, here was only peace… .  
Something was disturbing that peace, was trying to reach him. Ori wanted to ignore it. He didn’t want to come back from that cosy place. But that voice, it was so demanding and insisting, that he couldn’t shut it out and he didn’t want to. In fact, he longed for that voice, for the closeness of the speaker. He couldn’t stay at this cosy place, not without his One… and with this thought, Ori took a deep breath and opened his eyes.  
Fili was leaning over him. Panic in his eyes and tears rolling down his cheeks.  
Ori was lying on his side, with his head in Fili’s lap. The blonde was stroking his hair tenderly, whispering words of endearment.  
Ori hissed in pain as something touched his back. His vision blurred again for a few seconds but then a slight cooling started and the pain finally lessened. Oin was changing the bandages again.  
Taking Fili’s hand, he asked, his voice croaking: “How bad is it?” “You tore open the wounds again and due to the movement, they are deeper than before. You need to rest as much as possible” the old healer sighed, knowing full well that it was nearly impossible to give Ori the time he would need to recover. He squeezed the younger dwarf's shoulder in reassurance. “Tomorrow, everything will look better... and at least there is no sign of infection.”

With some help from Dori, Ori was carried into a corner laid out with straw. Fili was half lying against the wall beside him, cradling him in his lap, softly stroking through Ori’s hair.  
Ori gripped Fili’s free hand and squeezed it, kissing his fingers. “I thought I would lose you…” Fili’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Please Ori, don’t leave me! I love you!” Ori held onto Fili’s hand tightly, “I love you, too Fili!” and kissed it gently. “If you can’t go on tomorrow, I’ll stay behind with you!” It was a fact as solid as a rock, no room for any arguments and Ori was glad about it. He snuggled even closer to his One, kissed his hand again and fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

_Another successful mission to the lake is accomplished; otherwise the day is quiet till now. The remaining dwarves are gathered around a small fire, roasting some fishes and talking quietly. Ori is sitting with them and he is drawing and painting the scenery, where the Company first had seen the Lonely Mountain, bathed in the glow of dawn and the departing eagles in front of it._   
_The young dwarf who had asked for a story last time watches him in amazement and Ori starts to speak anew from the quest while painting._


	16. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night in Beon’s house, Ori for once is being irresponsible and Fili is just to happy to participate…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a long time since the last update. I haven abandon the fic, not at all.  
> I have been writing, but life got in the way, with some very nice thing like me being for a month in New Zealand, it was just incredible, it is an amazing place on earth, like a dream, and HobbitCon but also with work and applying for a new job. So you see I was pretty busy.  
> The second thing is that my lovely beta reader @flawedM is pretty busy too and was able to beta read the things I have written so far.  
> So I decided to take the pressure of her and posting the chapters without beta reading!  
> I hope you like it anyway. If you find mistakes or something what needs to be changed or isn’t understandable or what ever, feel free to point it out to me. I’m grateful for that! English isn’t my first language and I want to get better with it and sometimes I just mix up words who sound similar due to my f* dyslexia. 
> 
> So enough of this! Have fun!
> 
> (Photos of the adventure in NZ can be found here: http://happy-little-hobbits-2016.tumblr.com/)

 

 

_Ori’s mouth is dry and his painting finished. The young dwarf who has been either hanging at his lips or observing his painting, hands him over a flask of water. „Thank you!“ Ori drinks the water eagerly. He can see that the younger dwarf is searching for words to say, but Ori doesn’t want a conversation right now. He needs a little time to himself to remember some of his private moments. The longing for his blonde is nearly overwhelming right now._

_„You should take some rest, it had been along day!“ The other nodded, „ Of cause Master Ori! And thank you for sharing you experiences with us.“ Ori smiles, „You are welcome. It actually feels good to finally remember and share some my experiences.“ The face of the young worrier lightens up. He gets up nodes and leaves Ori to his musings._

 

Ori felt warm, comfortable and save. His cheek was laying on something warm and a hand lay protective on his shoulder. He could feel the even raise and fall under his head. Awakening fully, he slowly realised that he was lying in Fili’s arms. Ori sighed quietly. How often had he dreamed of waking up in his lovers arms, not just after stolen moments together in hurry to go back and not rousing any suspicion.

  
It wasn’t the romantic scenery he had painted in his head. The two of them weren’t in a nice and warm bed in a grand room with luxury in their new home in Erebor, they weren’t even alone, but Ori didn’t care. He was alive; his back wasn’t hurting and most important he was with Fili.  
Ori shifted a little and started stroking softly over Fili’s arm. It felt so good to be cradled in the blonde’s arms. It felt like that nothing could happen to him, if the world would go down, it couldn’t affect him…

  
Fili shifted in is sleep and tightened his arms around Ori mumbling something incoherent. Ori let himself be tugged closer, still stroking Fili’s arm. The blonde was restless, it seemed he was dreaming. Ori could feel Fili’s body tense and his breathing quicken. Ori lay his hands on Fili’s chest and whispered: “Fili! Fili! Shhhhh, it’s ok! We are save here! I’m here with you!” The blonde calmed a little but the tension wasn’t leaving his body. He was like a cat ready to jump.  
Ori turned a little more, winding himself out of Fili’s grasp. He started to stroke over his lover’s hair soothing him with hushing sounds. He didn’t want to wake up Fili. The blond needed his sleep but he couldn’t leave him in his nightmares either.

  
Ori leaned down and kissed his sweaty forehead and then his lips. Fili responded to it immediately. The tension lessened and he kissed Ori back, first softly and then more and more passionate. Ori gasped for air. Fili still wasn’t fully awake, his mouth and hands searching for Ori, pulling him tight and kissing him again.  
Ori could feel that the blond was fully awake now but as it seemed completely unaware of his surroundings. Fili’s hands were roaming over Ori’s body, mapping it. He was just glad that he had been placed in a corner of the house a little separated from the rest of the company, probably to ensure that he could rest properly.  
Ori knew full well that it wasn’t a responsible thing to do. He should rest and it was highly probable that he would hate himself for it in the morning but he couldn’t force himself to stop. He wanted to feel much, much closer to his One.

  
Ori deepened the kiss, which had nothing romantic anymore, it was passionate and hungry. He devoured Fili’s mouth and pressed his hips against him. He could feel the blonde’s arousal clearly. Fili let out a soft moan and his hand slipped under Ori’s shirt only to find the skin covered with bandages. Fili broke the kiss, finally opened his eyes and gasping for air. “Did I hurt you?” he asked anxious. Ori leaned down and kissed him softly, “No! Not at all, but if you leave me like that, you’ll do!” he blushed and Fili chuckled softly. “Are you sure?” “Yes!” Ori whispered back. A hand came up caressing his cheek, followed by soft fingers which drew the lines of is face before Fili kissed him again, this time soft and loving.

  
Ori let himself fall into the kiss, slipping his hands under Fili’s shirt, stroking the strong muscles of his back, pushing the shirt up to signal the blond to strip it off.  
Their lips parted just long enough for Fili to get rid of the shirt. Ori licked over the blonde’s lips and capturing one of his moustache braids between his teeth softly tugging at it, his hand drawing lightly circles on his lovers chest. Fili shivered, closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath. Ori pressed him down into the straw, kneeling over him. Fili’s eyes were clouded by desire now, deep blue, like the sky short before nightfall. Excitement shot through Ori’s body, he had seen Fili’s eyes only once that dark blue, back in Rivendale.

  
Ori leaned down, kissing the corner of Fili’s mouth, down his jawline and further to his collarbone, his hand meanwhile stroking and caressing Fili’s chest and abdomen. He nibbled and licked lightly alongside the collarbone to the centre of the chest. Little gasps of air escaping Fili’s mouth and he held Ori by the shoulders not daring to place a hand on his lovers back in fear of hurting him.

  
Ori’s kisses descended further finding Fili’s nipple. When he slowly tugged it into his mouth, licking and stroking it with his tongue the blonde shivered and sucked in a sharp breath. Another followed when Ori’s hands reached the rim of Fili’s pants and slipped it underneath it, stroking the erection with soft fingers. Ori could feel Fili fighting to keep quiet and not moaning loudly. Ori grinned inwardly, the light tossing and turning of his lover in pleasure aroused Ori even more as he already was. His own pants were uncomfortably tight now and he shifted a little. A shiver ran through his body when Fili’s hand descended from his shoulders along his side to grab his arse.

  
Ori kissed his way to the other nipple at first sucking and licking it and that carefully bit down on it a little. “Ori!” Fili gasped. He kissed the nipple one last time to move up to his lovers mouth and claimed it anew. Fili’s other hand moved from his shoulder to Ori’s hairline in his neck, holding him possessively. Ori moaned quietly into the kiss.

Ori was still half kneeling half sitting on top of Fili, what mend that he needed one arm to support himself. It was driving him nuts that he couldn’t open the binding of Fili’s pants with one hand. A little huff of frustration left his mouth between kisses. He could feel Fili’s mouth raising up to a grin and heard him chuckle lightly. “Let me help you” he whispered at the scribes lips and a hand joined Ori’s .

  
When the hindering clothes was open Fili lifted his hips up and his pants were pushed down. Ori bent down again kissing the blondes lips before he kissed his way down to his chin and further down his chest strait to his bellybutton. Here he paused, played and teased the little cavern with his tongue. He could feel Fili shivering, tossing and turning again. He was fighting hard not to be too noisy. But none the less he was panting through gritted teeth. This sounds of pleasure made Ori’s whole body tingle. He needed more; he wanted to taste his love.

  
His free hand moved up Fili’s outer thigh and his mouth travelled further down, his tongue darting out and licking over the tip of Fili’s erection. A moan escaped the blonde’s mouth and Ori let his lips slight around the erection, taking it into his mouth, stroking with his tongue and sucking.

  
Ori could hear Fili’s muffled moans. There was only one hand on his body, so the blond was probably using the other to keep himself as quiet as possible.  
Ori was a little surprised himself, he never would have thought that it would be so arousing to him, to know that they could be caught every second or that others would hear them if they’d be too noisy. He would have thought that every lust would leave him immediately but the opposite was the case. It was arousing has hell.  
Shivering Ori moved a little, trying to adjust himself. He wasn’t sure anymore if the restriction of his pans was pain or pleasure. Fili’s hips shot up a bit when Ori played over the tip with his tongue while sucking. It didn’t take the blond long to control himself, but Ori could hear how much the other had to fight for control, he was gasping and panting heavily.

  
Fili’s hands moved up to the binding of Ori’s pants. A gasp escaped his mouth when the blonde touched him while opening the cords. Ori sat up, his head falling back. He was seeing stars and panting, biting his teeth together to keep from moaning loudly.  
With quick fingers Fili opened his trousers, pushing them down. Ori moved so that he could take them off completely. Fili than immediately pulled him over himself again stroking over his abdomen and backside and slow circles, drawing ever so slightly nearer to the centre.  
Ori lifted his head, opening his eyes, to watch the blonde. He was so beautiful, with his flushed cheeks, kiss-swollen lips and his dark blue eyes full of lust and passion. Ori lifted a hand and stroked over Fili’s cheek tenderly.

  
His gaze travelled down further, Fili’s erection very much visible between them, as was his own. His eyes were now glued to Fili’s hands which were reaching his erection with the small circles now. His mouth hanging open, gasping, he could just look. His mind went blank and he was seeing stars again. Fili’s hands were tender, stroking carefully but with just the right amount of pressure to undo Ori! “I want you inside me!” he whispered. Ori had no idea where that had come from but it was true. He wanted everything, he needed everything. Fili’s eyes widened and he gasped. “What?! Are you sure?” “Absolutely! As sure as that you are my One!”.

  
With his other hand Fili pulled Ori down to him, kissing him wildly and hungry, his hand still stroking his erection. Between kisses he whispered: „Can you reach my pack? In the side pocket there is a tin like the one for your salve…“ Oh Mahal! The blonde was blushing and Ori couldn’t keep himself from grinning a little smug, his eyes twinkling. Fili’s blush deepened. Before the other could feel any more embarrassed, Ori leaned over to the pack searching for the requested object. He found the little jar without problems handing it over. „You mean this?“ he asked. The blonde nodded and opened it, his eyes fixed to it. A nice smell of roses and a hint of lavender erupted from the open jar. Fili’s eyes darted up to Ori’s, his gaze wavering with uncertainty. Ori smiled warmly and dipped one finger into the lotion, applying it to the back of his hand and sniffing at it. „Mmmmh! This is nice. I love that sent and the texture.“ Ori could see how the tension was leaving Fili and a small smile tugged at the blonde’s lips. „I wanted to give it to you after the quest, when you had you first proper bath in Erebor.“ Ori laughed quietly, „Mahal! You are adorable! And you are so incredible sexy when you are coy like this!“ kissing Fili tenderly and stroking his free hand down Fili‘s chest to the blonde’s middle, teasing him with some feather light touches. It didn’t take long, before their kissing turned from tender to hot and passionate again.  
Ori dipped is fingers into the lotion, coating them, before he reached for Fili’s erection, caressing and stroking up and down. The blonde watching his every move open-mouthed, gasping and panting softly, before a stifled moan escaped his lips again.

  
Fili, too coated his fingers with the oily tincture and placed the jar beside them. His hands slowly stroking down Ori‘s back beneath the underside of the bandages. Ori leaned down once more and kiss the blonde. He could feel Fili’s hand reach his buttocks, caressing and stroking it. Shivers ran down Ori’s spine and he arced into the touch, coxing Fili to go further. Between kisses the blonde dwarf asked whispering once more: „Are you really sure?“ care clearly audible in his quiet voice. Ori groaned, „ Yes! I’m sure, but are you?“ Fili claimed his lips again, kissing him feverishly, „Oh yes, I am!!!“, was the horse answer, his hands stroking Ori’s backside circling his entrance. Ori was panting now and when a finger pressed carefully inside him he was the one who had to supress a moan.

  
It was a little weirder feeling, but not unpleasant, the opposite infect. Fili’s Finger went a little deeper before sliding out again but not leaving. „Are you ok? Or should I stop?!“ the blonde asked considerate. Ori gasped, he wasn’t sure if it was in panic or frustration, „ If you stop now Fili son of Dis, I will kill you!“ Fili chuckle but slipped his finger back in moving faster now. Ori noticed that Fili observed is every reaction, changing his movement ever so slightly or repeating the moves. „Oh! Mahal! Please more!“ Ori moaned when Fili hit a spot deep inside him. His head fell back and stars erupted in front of his eyes. Fili did exactly that and Ori barely noticed when another finger entered him. The blonde prepared him and after while Ori wasn’t aware of anything, just of the pleasure his lover was giving him. Fili was breathing heavily himself. „Please Fili now! … Don’t want to wait any longer! I… I need you now inside me!“ a moan was his answerer and Ori could feel the blonde shift underneath him. Fili‘s cock now brushing against his entrance. Ori slowly lowered himself down and the blonde pushing carefully inside him. He gritted his teeth in fear the other would stop if he noticed the sound of discomfort. It was pain and pleasure at the same time, after a few seconds he adjusted to the strange feeling. Fili was panting heavily fighting for control, not to push up into is lover. Ori needed a little bit more to adjust. When the stinging lessened, he felt only pleasure and started to move up and down slowly. Opening his eyes again he saw Fili watching him intently, his mouth opening but unable to speak. He was so sexy like this, so lost in his desire. Ori let him self slide deeper, taking the blond in completely and moving up again. Fili‘s hands gripped his hips moaning again. He wasn’t able to control himself anymore and Ori could feel the blonde meeting him in his movements. When Fili reached the spot inside him again, Ori let go. He didn’t care for his surroundings anymore. He was just feeling, lust and passion. A few more pushes and the world exploded around him.

 

When he became aware of the world again, he was lying on top of the blonde who held him in his arms, stroking his hair. Fili was sweaty and still breathing heavily. He kissed his forehead; „Are you ok?“ the blonde asked concerned. Ori chuckled softly. I‘m, more than ok love. I feel incredible, a little sore maybe but incredible. You?“ His answerer was along sweet kiss.

 

Fili had enough brains left to clean them a bit before falling asleep, for what Ori was extremely grateful.  
He snuggled into his lovers arms and slept deep and dreamless for a few more hours.

 

 

_Ori is blushing. He just hopes that no one has seen his drawing. The paper in his hand is showing a naked Fili, his face filled with lust and ecstasy, as Ori remembers it from the night in Beon‘s house. It is the face which had haunted him in his dreams so often. It had turned now into a fond, or more a very lustful and passionate memory._


	17. guarded by a bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and one of the hardest decisions Ori had to take in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again! No beta- reading in the moment. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it anyway!

_Nothing really is happening. The remaining dwarfs are sitting in the hall behind barricaded doors. Only once in a while a scouting party leaves to get them food and water. In the moment the hidden passageway is save. As well as the dwarves can’t escape from the valley, the orcs can’t get into it, at least for now. It buys them time. If it helps them, Ori isn’t convinced. He still has no hope, at least not for himself. For the others to survive he will fight, but not for himself. His lifetime is over and he just wants to meet his maker and have peace and quiet in the Halls united with his One._

_Ori thought the quest to reclaimed Moria to be a suicide mission from the beginning, like so many others. Balin and Oin had been so convinced of succeeding in the end, but Ori never believed in it. He wanted to help his old mentor and friend, but if he was honest, he had been searching death and as it looks he had found it. What he never wanted, that all the other brave dwarves with all their dreams and hopes got caught in it. Ori would have been glad to see them all save leave for home again, or settle down, with him the only casualty… but as he had learned a long time ago, life took always unexpected turns and was never fair._

_He opens the folded paper again with his sketch from earlier. Fili’s beauty still amazes him. With a sigh he presses the picture to his chest and let himself fall to the side, closing his eyes, mind full of the images he has supressed for far too long. It still hurt, but in his mind he isn’t alone. He can see Fili with a bight brilliant smile, blue eyes sparkling and dimples flashing. His ears filled with his laughter. With this Ori falls asleep._

Ori was warm and comfortable, a hand was lightly stroking his arm and featherlight kisses were peppered over his face. He sight and snuggled closer into the strong arms surrounding him. He was where he wanted to be, he was save in Fili’s arms and the wold didn’t exist. A soft whisper tickled his ear: “Wake up love, it’s time.” Ori shifted even closer not wanting to meet reality. Another soft kiss and light loving stroking over his face, followed by the soft voice of his One: “I’m sorry love, but you really have to wake up now, we are short before leaving.” Ori sight again, opening his eyes and nearly drowning in the brilliant blue ones of his love. He stretched and kissed Fili tenderly. Fili’s lips were soft and he kissed him back as soft and loving as Ori did. “I love you!” Ori whispered at his Ones lips before kissing him again. Ori could feel Fili’s grip tighten, cradling him in his arms even more. When they finally broke apart Ori nodded and set up, wincing a little.

“How is you back?” concern audible in Fili’s voice. Ori carefully stretched and turned a little. “Much better!” eyes now sparkling with mischief “but I feel a little sore a little deeper.” Fili blushed deep scarlet at that and Ori couldn’t help himself but laugh quietly. Fili looked so adorable. Stroking his face Ori leaned forward and kissed him again. “Sorry!” he whispered. Fili just shook his head, It’s fine, but are you? Have I hurt you?” Oh Mahal! Fili was seriously worried. “I’m fine, love!” he said and leaned into Fili, “You didn’t hurt my back and the rest just reminds me of an absolute wonderful experience with you….” Fili looked at him with huge eyes. “Fili! I’m fine!” He kissed Fili again and finally the tension left the blondes body. “Ori, last night had been incredible!” the blonde whispered shyly. Ori chuckled silently. “But now let me see to your back.” Ori slipped out of Fili’s arms and turned so that the blonde could inspect the injuries. Careful and tender Fili loosened the bandages. It still stung a little but not as much as the day before.

“It looks much better than yesterday laddie!” Ori was startled and flinched, by hearing Oin’s voice. He hadn’t noticed that the healer had approached them. Oin took care of his wounds swift and efficient, with steady hand due to long years of practise. “How are you feeling today? Are you up for traveling?” the healer asked. Ori shrugged, he wasn’t sure. “Let me stand up and see.” Fili took him by the arm and helped him up. Ori felt a little dizzy at first, but after a few deep breaths it faded. Ori still wasn’t sure but he wouldn’t stay behind, he wouldn’t leave Fili. No, Fili wouldn’t leave him and Ori didn’t want to be the reason for him to give up the Quest. “I think I’ll manage,” he answered. Fili looked at him critically, he knew that Ori wasn’t sure, but the blonde didn’t say a word in front of Oin. Fili knew him just to well. They would have a talk later.

Now it was time to meet their host. Gandalf wanted it to be careful and in groups… It all became a mess as it seemed to be the usual in these days. Was it Gandalf or was their group of dwarf really that bad mannered in the eyes of the rest of the world?

In the end Beon accepted them, he disliked orc’s more than dwarfs. Now the company was sitting at the skinchangers table having a great breakfast. Gandalf, Thorin and Beon were discussing their further journey and some of the others as Gloin, Balin and Dori were listening in intently.

When Ori’s gaze met Bilbo’s the Hobbit blushed deeply and avoided his eyes immediately. Ori could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as well. So it seemed at least one had heard them last night. From the snores he had eared afterwards Ori had suspected that most of the company had been fast asleep at night and when no gazes or comments had come this morning he had just hoped Fili and him at gotten away with their amours adventures from last night.

Fili grabbed is hand and squeezed He too had a light blush to his cheeks and had noticed Bilbo’s reaction. He looked like he wanted to say something but being at a loss for words, so he leaned forward and kissed Ori tenderly.

After finishing their breakfast Thorin got restless and the company got ready to move again. Fili pulled Ori into a corner, concern in his eyes. “Are you ok? Please be honest! I know you don’t want me to leave the quest but loosing you on the way would break me!” Ori swallowed. He felt much better but he had no idea if he was already strong enough again to withstand the strains of their journey. It was the hardest decision he had ever to make in his whole life. If he was honest to himself, he would love to stay behind with Fili far away from all the danger and enjoy his life with his One. They had the chance now and it would be guilt free. Everyone would understand that Ori was too injured to go on and that Fili wouldn’t leave his One in such a situation. – But he couldn’t do that, he wasn’t that frail and he couldn’t rob Fili of the opportunity to be in Erebor when they hopefully reclaimed it. So he sighed, took a deep breath and said: “I can go on. I feel much better.”

Some of his thoughts must have been displayed in his face. Fili just looked at him, relief showing in his eyes, but also longing and regret flicker through that gaze. Ori knew that Fili himself dreamed of a quiet life and there would have been no hesitation to leave with Ori. One word would have been enough, but later there would have been guilt, the questions if it had been the right thing to leave the quest and if he was still worthy to be Thorin’s heir.

Fili stroked over Ori’s cheek and kissed him on the forehead. “We should get ready to leave, love.” His voice was horse with emotions, he turned and walked over to retrieve is pack.

 

They were riding over rich green plain towards the Mirkwood forest, guarded by an enormous bear.

Ori back was mostly fine. It helped a lot that he didn’t need to carry his pack. Fili and his brothers had split up his belongings for now and carried them. He only had his journal and writing utensils with him and his sling shot, of cause. As soon as his back was better, he would take it all back.

The forest looked grim and he had a sinking feeling. This forest wasn’t a normal one. It had nothing from the elf- magic they had experienced in Rivendell. This one was dark and seemed traitorous.

Ori knew full well that staying behind had never really been an option but with seeing the forest he wished he had done it.

 

_The booming had woken Ori up. He was still holding Fili’s nude portrait in hand. If he would get one moment to change in his life, it would be back in Beon’s house, telling Fili he wasn’t fit to journey. It would have changed everything, may be into another disaster but he would take this chance._

_The rest of the group is awake, huddled around the fire, roasting fish and what it looks like some meet from an unfortunate mountain goat._

_Ori stuffs the picture away and walks over to the fire. Something to eat sounds lovely and the other dwarves where probably up for another story from the quest. It would at least keep him from musing any longer. It all lay in the past and he couldn’t change it now._


	18. spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Company got lost in Mirkwood and meets the Spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun!  
> still no beta reading!

 

_Ori is talking now as it seems for hours but the faces of his fellow dwarves are worth it. They are looking like they have forgotten the dire situation around them, being at peace for the moment and excited to hear of the legendary adventures of their last king from the line of Durin and his company. It amazes Ori how fast time is flowing. For the dwarf surrounding him these are already legends, for him it is memory._

“What would become of them”, Ori asked himself. He was sitting alone in a dungeon cell somewhere deep down in the Woodland Realm and he had to rely on a negotiation between their stubborn leader, who was in no position to put any claims, but being too proud to admit that and an elven king who is equally as strong- headed and quick tampered as Thorin and had all the power to his favour. Ori had not much hope that Thorin would be able to negotiate them out of the dungeons.

It wasn’t a bad trait to be proud. A king needed to be proud and stubborn to a degree but Ori wished, that Thorin would be a little more sensible and diplomatic from time to time. It didn’t mean to surrender to everything the elven king wished but a way in between could have done the trick and hadn’t left the dwarfs looking week. But that wasn’t likely to happen.

Well, at least they were alive till now. The travels through Mirkwood had been straining at best.

His gut feeling had been right, that the forest wasn’t normal in any way. Some of the magic they had felt had been the elves protection of the place but it got somehow corrupted. Something dark was also lingering in it. Bilbo had felt it too, much stronger so as it seemed.

At first it wasn’t much noticeable. First Ori had thought that his injuries had cost him more strength them he had expected, but when he looked up he noticed, that the other were fighting fatigue and tiredness too. Drooped shoulders and slightly staggering the dwarves dragged themselves through the woods. Ori had no idea for how long this went on.

With every passing moment he felt more and more tired. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep up. Worst of all the company started to argue with each other over minor things. Not long a fight would break out amongst them. Ori had no idea what he could do to prevent it. Why should he anyway? Should they be at each other’s throat, it was none of his business anyway and he would have finally time to rest and sleep. Ori yawned and dragged himself further. When he looked up he saw Fili. The blonde was watching him with concerned eyes. At first irritation ran through Ori, but then he had the feeling that some kind of smog left his head. Now he could see that Fili was fighting that lulling influence of the forest by keeping an eye on Ori. A small smile tugged at Ori’s lips. He walked over to Fili, taking his hand.

 

The contact helped them to have a little clearer mind than the rest of the group but in the end it made no difference. Thorin ordered them to cross the river and leave the path. Fili had tried to reason with his uncle, that Gandalf had warned them not to leave it, but Thorin wouldn’t listen and the company wondered off the path.

Ori had lost all sense of time. If someone had asked him how long they had been wondering the woods he couldn’t have said. Days, weeks, month, everything blurred together. It had probably been weeks, as often they had wandered in darkness and judging by the state of his back. New skin had formed; he had no pain anymore but many new scars.

A huge wave of despair flooded through Ori when the group finally noticed that they were running in circles and couldn’t find a way out of it.

He leaned into Fili, who looked as exhausted as he felt. They had run out of food days ago and water was scares as well and strictly rationed, what led to a fight a few times.

Fili put his arm around Ori. „I’m worried Ori. The others are in a state beyond reasoning. I’m afraid that the company will break apart here for nothing and we are still not able to find a way out of this cursed forest. It will break uncle if we can’t even try to reclaim Erebor.“ Ori tried to smile reassuringly but wasn’t sure if he succeeded. „ We will find a way out of this, altogether. I’m quite sure. I’ll have your back! I promise you that!“ Fili leaned forward, whispering a quiet thank you full of gratitude and kissed him.

Fili probably knew exactly that Ori was far away from sure but they both needed hope, taking strength from the others words.

Ori was holding Fili in his arms, the blonde hiding his face in the croc of Ori’s neck. Slowly striking up and down the others back, Ori could feel how the tension lessened in the other dwarf. Fili was at his end of power. He couldn’t see a way out and Thorin was acting more and more irrational, giving senseless commands, lashing out at someone without reason, sometimes even being right out cruel. It disturbed his love deeply, seeing his uncle like this, which he knew as the soft-hearted loving uncle and the just leader. Yes, Thorin had been strict and demanding in the upbringing of Fili, maybe even wronging the young prince, but never like this.

Whispering sweet nothingness into Fili’s ear and keeping on stroking the blonds back, Ori tried is best to comfort his love, while his own hope was fading slowly but steadily away.

Before he could think over it any longer, Bilbo climbed up a tree trying to regain is orientation by the sun and hopefully some visible landmarks. Ori wished that the Hobbit would be successful. They really needed to find a way out.

He never knew if the burglar was successful. With the Hobbit just out of side, a strange hissing and clicking was heard behind him. Turning he faced a monstrous spider and everything went dark.

 

It was still dark around Ori. Blood was pounding in his ears. Slowly coming fully awake, he noticed that he was hanging upside down in something sticky. Ori shuddered. The image of the hideous creature was standing once more in front of his eyes. Slowly it dawned on him what had happened. The spiders had attacked them from behind, fast and precise. The dwarfs had no chance to get their weapons out in time and fight the monsters of.

So by all means, he was hanging upside down, cocooned in spider webs, nicely preserved for eating.

It could have been funny, if the situation weren’t so dire. Great! It still hadn’t been enough to survive what they did already to reach at least the Lonely Mountain to have a chance to bring the quest to a successful end. No they had to die, eaten by spiders. Ori wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh hysterically or cry.

“Ori?” Fili’s worried voice reached him. “Ori? Are you awake? You are ok?”

His mouth was so dry that he couldn’t get out the word at the first try, clearing his throat helped a little and he answered: “Fili! I’m fine! You too?”

He didn’t get an answer, instead he heard a yelp and in the next moment he was falling to the ground, the impacted slowed through something soft in it‘s way, probably some spider webs.

As soon has Ori had reached the ground, he started to get free of his cocoon. Once free, he reached for his weapons, looking around wildly. The rest of the Company was in different states of freeing themselves from the webs, most of them weapons already in hand too. Fili was standing in fighting position ready to attack the spider in front of him with hit twin swords.

A sharp hissing and clicking was heard and the spiders surrounding them attacked. Not for long the onslot of arachnidan slowed down to be replaced by arrow tips, pointed at the company by elves, looking vicious and ready to kill them at a command.

In the background the sound of fighting and dying spiders was still audible. No dwarf moved.

Suddenly Ori heard someone yelp followed by Fili’s desperate cry for his brother. When Ori turned his head he could just see the younger brothers disappearing feet in the bushes.

Two of the elves had to hold Fili down, who was desperately fighting to go after his brother. Fili was rustled to the ground and bound but still fighting frantically. Ori tried to move to reach his One but was prevented from it by another elf who pointed an arrow directly in his face. Ori looked him strait in the eyes. „Move another millimetre and you are a dead dwarf!“ the elf threatened. Ori gulped, slowly turning his head again in the direction of the still struggling blonde dwarf. „Fili! Stop! Please. You can’t help your brother when you are dead. Please!“ Ori pleaded him in kuzdul. The elf in front of him growled: „ Be quiet!“ But Ori didn’t listen. He talked on to Fili, who was slowly calming down and finally looking at Ori, pure panic in his eyes. Ori just held his gaze, telling Fili that he was there with him.

The blonde took a deep breath and lay now quietly at the ground.

The remaining dwarves were bound too, when suddenly someone was breaking through the bushes again. Their guards immediately had their weapons ready again, but it was no spider, it was a red-haired elf who had Kili in custody.

The elves brought there prisoners back to the palace. Ori couldn’t keep himself from marvelling at the architecture. It was on one hand kind of similar to Rivendale but on the other Hand completely different. It was a combination of wood and stone. The top mostly looked like a construction of tree roots and the bottom like caved caves. Unlike dwarven art, here the decoration was filigree with soft and floating lines and floral patterns. Ori had to admit that it had its own beauty, but he preferred the more angular patterns with their strait lines of the dwarven artworks.

Reaching the cells everyone was once again searched for weapons. In spite of the situation Ori had to smile when the elves found another of Fili’s hidden blades. He was sure that the guards hadn’t found all the knives.

Ori was sitting with Dori in one cell. His brother had taken a protective arm around him. Ori didn’t mind, in the opposite, he was thankful for the comfort. Fili was at the other end of the cells so communication wasn’t possible.

The two brothers set there in silence, each in his own thoughts, when finally Thorin was brought to the dungeons. The king was looking grim, even more brooding than usual.

A sigh escaped Ori’s lips. It was as he had expected it. No agreement was formed between the kings.

Dori squeezed his shoulder. His brother was thinking the same, trying to reassure his younger sibling. Ori leaned his head against Dori’s shoulder. „I have no idea how, but I still have hope that we will find a solution.“ His brother nodded but not saying a word.

 

_Ori’s mouth is dry and he is really hungry. The last night the cook was able to prepare a stew out of the mountain goat the hunters brought. That dwarf was a match for Bombur‘s miracle working with food. The giant ginger dwarf was able to make out of nearly nothing a delicious meal. The cook of their party is nearly as good._

_Ori is lucky it is still some stew left. He settles down with it, enjoying is meal and some private memories._


	19. Barrel ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> escaping the dungeons of Mirkwood....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is still not beta read... but I hope you like it anyway! 
> 
> This is for my dear @flawedM! Thanks for you support!

 

_Ori is skimming through his private notes again, reading what he has written so far. Reading his text and reliving the memories brings him great comfort._

_When he looks up, he can see the young healer. He is holding the portrait of his One in his hands and sleeps with a smile._

_Ori’s heart lightens and he too has to smile. He’s grateful that he could give the other dwarf some comfort._

_Out of the corner of his eye Ori sees a movement; it is a slip of paper falling out of his journal. It is the portrait of Tauriel, he had intended to give Kili after the battle… ._

_He shakes his head, another death which brought great grieve. Ori has seen the elf after the battle only briefly, but the devastation and grieve on her face was all too noticeable. Upon seeing her so greave stricken Ori had understood that the love wasn’t in the least one-sided. That the redhead liked the youngest Durin a great deal was obvious but Ori had never believed that she would return Kili’s deep feelings. Ori doesn’t know if elves have Ones too, but clearly they can love deeply._

_He wanders what has become of Tauriel. Is she still alive? If she hasn’t taken her life she probably is, with the live span of elves. Would the two meet in the afterlife? At least Ori has the prospect of meeting Fili in the Halls again but would Kili and Tauriel ever meet again and where?_

_Ori hopes for his friend that there is something like mercy in afterlife._

_Looking at the picture of the red-haired elf brings back the memories of Kili’s so embarrassing pickup lines in the dungeons. Ori could still feel the being ashamed in Kili’s place. But, well it had worked in the end, hadn’t it? Kind of unbelievable. Fili and him had made more the one joke about it, never of the fact stat Kili was in love, no just about the conversation he had with Tauriel._

_Ori was still chuckling to himself: “I could have anything down my pants…” Really?! Meeting his One and the dark haired dwarf lost all his brains._

_But the later conversation of wandering in starlight and seeing the fire moon had moved Ori. He never had believed that Kili was such a romantic sole, but well sometimes love brings sides to the forefront no one expects._

_Ori had felt that this wasn’t just a crush the younger prince had and Kili had confirmed it later._

_It was a shame really. The two never had a chance to get to know each other really. Ori sighs. At least he had this few pressures month with Fili._

Yes, the younger prince had been right. The elves had quite a party. The noises of drinking and chatting, as well as music and dancing was clearly to be heard.

Ori was racing his brain. There had to be a way to use the fest for an escape. But nothing came to his mind.

His hope was decreasing by the minute. There was nothing he could do really. Ori leaned into his brother, who had still his arm around his shoulders and closed his eyes, exhaustion now claiming him.

A sudden rustle and voices woke the two brothers. The cells were opened and there was Bilbo standing with the keys. Ori couldn’t believe it. How had Bilbo been able to get them? How did he escape the cells? But wait, the Hobbit had never been in the cells, Ori realised. But how had he avoided detection? And had Bilbo cut them loose in the forest? There was much more to the Hobbit than the eye could see. Wondrous creatures this Hobbits.

The group was talking loudly and excited but was hushed by Bilbo and led deep into the cellars of the palace.

“What is he up to?” Fili wondered. “Why is he leading us down, instead of to the gates?” Ori shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He had no answer for his love. “I guess we will see?”

Reaching the bottom of the steps the company stood in a storage room, with only one entrance.

What were they supposed to do here? Ori was at a loss and clearly Fili was too. The two dwarves looked at each other with questioning eyes but saying nothing.

There was clearly no way out. Only a view barrels – and a trap door - . Ori elbowed Fili and whispered excitedly: “look! There!” and pointed in the direction of the trapdoor.

Fili’s eyes went wide. “He can’t be serious! We are supposed to hide in the barrels?” he whispered. Ori shook his head. “No I don’t think so! Look there is a trapdoor in the floor and I can hear the river…” Ori was interrupted by Bilbo. “Into the barrels! Quick!” the Hobbit prompted them in a whisper. The other dwarves started to complain, but Thorin made a quick end of it with ordering them in.

Fili clamped Ori’s shoulder reassuringly before climbing in.

They had been just on time. Short before the trapdoor was opened Ori could hear the guard call out. They had probably discovered the empty cells.

Just when the first elf rounded the corner the wild ride begun. Ori’s stomach was in his throat as he suddenly fell and then collided rather harshly with the waters of the river, nearly drowning as a huge wave hit him square in the face.

Choking and sputtering, he could feel his barrel being hurled in some direction and bumped into the others. When he finally was able to breath and open his eyes, he could see that the others had rounded up all the barrels in a group.

Ori smiled reassuringly in Fili’s direction and instantly the blonds features eased. Since the happenings in Goblintown, Fili so often looked at him with concern and fear. If Ori was honest with himself, it hurt. He was a grown dwarf and was able to take care of himself. He wasn’t helpless. If he had to, he could stand his ground.

Yes, he quite well understood Fili! And on the other hand it made him love the other dwarf even more. Taking care and protecting others was part of Fili’s whole being and Ori loved him for it. But in the last weeks it was just too much. He felt more and more as a burden for the blonde.

He could stand the thought that the blonde would see as a liability… Ori wanted to be his partner, his equal… at least in their private life…. He was fully aware of the fact that the two of them would never be equally in status, but that wasn’t the point and never a problem. Ori just wanted to be seen by Fili as a partner and not someone who needed to be taking care of and protection.

Ori closed his eyes and sight deeply. He could understand how this had happened. Fili must have been devastated seeing Ori being tortured and nearly killed by the Goblins and then at Beon‘s house… But that knowledge didn’t help him, it still hurt and he needed to talk to Fili.

The movement of the barrels pulled Ori out of his musings. Shooting down the stream underneath the palace was rough but soon they were shooting down a waterfall and again Ori had his mouthful of water, choking and sputtering again.

Now in the open the elves spotted the Company fleeing via the river in the barrels. There were shouts, a horn sounded and the gate in front of them slowly closed.

No not again! But before Ori could think of anything else, an elf dropped into the water before his barrel. Shot by a black arrow, strait into his chest. That was clearly an orc weapon. Ori’s gaze turned franticly and yes, there were orcs poring over the walls of the elf realm. Trapped like animals in small cages, set the dwarves in their barrels in front of the closed gate, ready for slaughter. But they wouldn’t go down without a fight and fighting it was with bare hands.

Out of the corners of his eyes Ori saw Kili scramble out of the barrels and up the hill. He was trying to reach the opening mechanism of the gate.

Another orc came close to Ori and he bet him up. Just like that. The young scribe was furious now. He was so sick of all the orcs and scum and all the political and personal feuds going on! And still they had to face that cursed dragon.

Ori grabbed the Orc tighter at the collar and punched again and again at the creatures’ head and face until it got limp and let it fell into the water. Oh yes he felt better know! Usually he wasn’t one to pick a fight and when he could avoid it he would choose to just do so but right in the moment he wished for a weapon, as sword, a hammer or an axe to get rite of that scum! His slingshot wouldn’t be as satisfying but it would be at least something.

Right now his fist had to do. Another punch to some scums head from him and from Dori and the Orc was no more.

Suddenly Ori heard a scream. His head shot up in the direction were it had come from. Kili! Oh Mahal no! The younger prince was shot. A thick black arrow protruding from his thigh.

„Kili!“ his older brother cried out in desperation unable to help the younger. Kili was laying on the ground, convulsing with pain and another Orc ran towards the wounded, clearly aiming to kill. An arrow stopped him literally dead in is tracks and the orc fell into the water.

The redheaded elf from the guard appeared around a corner, shooting arrow after arrow, felling orc after orc. For a brief moment Ori could see her glancing at Kili. Tender concern in her eyes. Ori’s gaze travelled towards Kili. Despite the pain he was feeling his friend stared transfixed at the elf and it was that gaze, that longing Ori saw there, made him realize, that Kili hadn’t just a crush.

As if seeing the captain of the guards awakened some strength in the dark haired dwarf, Kili dragged himself up and towards the handle of the gate, opening it.

With his last strength he was able to roll over the etch at the gate and fall into a barrel Dwalin was holding for him. An agonized cry escaped him as the arrow sticking out of his leg was moved and finally broke off by the rim of the barrel.

There was no more time to contemplate the wellbeing of his friend. The battle went on without mercy. During fighting they were finally able to get hold of weapons, getting rid of the orcs and escaping the elves.

How often had Ori now thought to be in a hopeless situation and in the end there was a way out.

Paddling in the now quieter water, the Company tried to reach the shore as Thorin had commanded them.

Ori looked around and could see Fili at his brothers’ side. The younger was pale and hung slumped over in the barrel, clearly in pain.

Finally, Ori got to the shore and dragged himself on land. When he looked out for his friend he could see Bofur having an eye on him and Fili rushing to his brother’s side.

Thorin was bellowing at them to move. Something was amiss here. Thorin was usually so caring for his nephews but he didn’t seem to notice the Kili was injured or more he didn’t want to acknowledge it.

When Fili spoke up. He looked at him angrily and granted him only minutes.

Ori decided to use the time and empty his boots from the water. He couldn’t help in the moment anyway, Fili and Oin took care of Kili‘s wound. Sitting down on a stone with one boot empty and the other in hand he suddenly was aware of something pointed to his face.

Carefully he glanced up and looked directly at a tip of an arrow. He gulped and set stock still, holding his breath, to afraid to make the slightest movement. A sudden movement and the arrow was shot and the next followed suit. In a blink of an eye the third arrow was now again pointed at Ori’s face. A tall dark haired man towered over him. „Do it again and you are dead!“ The man informed the Company in a grave voice looking at them still pointing the arrow to the tip of Ori‘s nose.

Balin cautiously approached him. „ Excuse me, but um…you’re from Lake-town, if I’m not mistaken? That barge over there, it wouldn’t be available for hire by any chance?“ he asked carefully.

Now the man lowered the bow. Oh Mahal! Dear old Balin! Ori was so grateful for his old teaches skill with diplomatic words.

Why is it always him who is threatened? Maybe Fili wasn’t so wrong after all with his overprotectiveness… Ori smirked to himself and puts his boots back on. Year, a grown dwarf?! He had been a childish prick, so selfish! Would he act differently in a reversed situation, probably, but he wasn’t a warrior. He would care and worry the same as his One and actually he was but he was acting differently. He was so different from Fili, so that was  ok, wasn’t  it?

Suddenly Ori wasn’t sure if he supported Fili enough. The blond stood under so much pressure and Ori was only thinking of himself over his little bruised pride. Ori felt so guilty all of a sudden, in that Moment. He wished he could do something to help his friend and Fili. But there was nothing he could do. Yeah, well he was after all a burdened, more or less useless. For what was he good on this quest anyway? To get tortured and slowing everyone down and distracting Fili from his duties.

Ori just wanted to crouch into a ball, hiding from the world. He felt on the etch of crying but caught himself in time. No time for that here and now! He couldn’t break down now!

_Ori wakes up, shivering and silently crying. He still feels the ache from the past.  It had eaten him up back than and he hadn’t been able to do anything about it back then. Today he knows that Fili had never seen him as a burden or as week. It had been Ori himself crushing his self-esteem. It had been a reaction of his mind of the events of the last month he learned years later from Oin. The old healer had told him that he had it seen many times after battles or accidents. Sometimes it is just too much and the sole can’t cope with it and it reacts in that way. Sometimes it just needs time to heal but sometimes it never will go away completely and there is no treatment for it._

_So Ori had been lucky in the end. He had just needed time…_

_Ori is taking a deep breath and sits up. Sleeping is an impossible thing for now, so he decides to take over a watch for now._

_The young dwarf Ori sends of to sleep, is grateful for the few hours of sleep. As soon as the worrier reaches his bedroll, he slips in and closes his eyes. He really looks exhausted._


	20. Hot Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... Kili smiled a wobbly smile, a huff of air escaping his lungs before he could answer: "I have no idea if she returns my feelings... I just know that I would wonder in starlight for eternity if it means I could be with her." Kili had tears in his eyes, now. Ori had never seen his friend that desperate. He was sure Kili was serious and that he had met his One.   
>  Oh dear! Ori could see disaster approaching. Yes, he would stand with his friend as he had promised, but he couldn't see how this could end well. He wished he could, he wished he had a solution. He wanted to see his friend happy. ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I haven't abandoned this Fic. I just needed a little time to get a grip on it again and then life got in the way of writing more... But probably you know how it is your self. 
> 
> I still have no ß-reader and my dyslexia hasn't disappeared miraculously, so please live with the mistakes or point them out to me. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Have much fun!

The watch is quiet so far, just the booming from the depth of the mines had started an hour ago, again.   
Ori is drawing a little, pictures of Bart's children, of members of the company, trying to think of the time in Lake Town, but his memories are blurry. He can only remember bits and pieces from that time and most prominent the regret. He understands now, that he hadn't been weak or someone who needed protection.   
The fierce protectiveness of Fili was just a part of his being, of who the prince had been. Had they had time to get to know each other better Ori had understood it earlier and Fili would have given Ori the freedom he needed.   
In hind side, Fili had never once given Ori any indication that he thought that the scribe was weak.   
It had taken Ori years to realise it and every once in a while, the old doubts found a way back into his mind. When the old feelings returned, when he was feeling small, like a burden to everyone. It hadn't been him who got tortured by the goblins because he was the weakest. It was because he had looked so small and delicate. The Goblins had seen an easy target in him. They probably thought he would break easily. But he didn't and with it, he had gotten the company the time they needed to escape. It is the first time he really realises it and feels proud of it. No, he never had been weak, he just never had been a warrior.   
Ori shakes his head violently. Enough of that, he scolds himself! He more than once had stood his dwarf! Warrior or not! He could fend for himself and for others. He never was and never will be a warrior, like Thorin, Kili or Fili had been but he also is far away from helpless! He's better with a warhammer than most dwarves actually. This thought brings a little smile to his lips. Sometimes it needs desperation to find your weapon of choice. Ori shakes his head again, this time with amusement.   
He still isn't fond of fighting and war. If he can he avoids confrontation, he is preferring the art of diplomacy, like Balin had and taught him so many years ago.   
War is always destructive, to the people and what they had built. Besides the art of war, nothing else had space to flourish. So much of the art and the old knowledge gets lost in warfare.   
Ori had done his best to preserve the knowledge of his people. He and Balin had spent years of saving old texts, repairing the books or carefully copy them. Ori's heart still aches with the memory of how much was destroyed by the dragon. 

In all the time he spent in the library of Erebor, working with the books, he had never found a mention that it ever had happened that a dwarf could love an elf. But it could and he had witnessed it. He should have preserved this knowledge for the later generations. Maybe it would happen again and in another time another couple would find comfort with the information.   
He will write it down in his journal in the hope that in is maybe found before it is destroyed.   
The love between Men and Elves had been difficult, Ori knows. There are so many talks about it, so many songs and legends, but what would have become of the love between the dark-haired prince and the captain of the guard?   
Ori is aware of the fact that his dream of a few nights ago probably is a haplessly romantic fantasy. He will never know because the lovers never had a chance to be together.   
He still remembers clearly the night after the arrival in Lake Town, after Bard had smuggled them in, how he and Kili had talked.   
A shudder is running down Ori's whole body. The ride in that bloody barrel, covered in dead uncooked fish. He still had nightmares from it. He had never been fond of fish but after that, he nearly had panic attacks for decades when he just as much as saw uncooked fish from a distance. 

 

Ori was still shivering in front of the fire in is borrowed cloth and the blanket. The water of the lake had been freezing but there had been no other way into the house unseen by all the spies. The company was probably seen by too many already, Ori supposed.   
Bard was taking a great risk to hide them in his home. The home for his children.   
Thorin was in a foul mood. Nothing was really working out right now and Durin's Day was approaching fast now. But it still wasn't right to act out on Bard who had done nothing but help them. Yes, he took the money, but who wouldn't have? The man would have been stupid not to take it. In the end, he had to feed 3 children and wasn't on good terms with the authorities.   
Ori lifted his gaze from his feet. There he stood, alone, deep in his thought, smoking a pipe.   
Fili's mind wasn't here in this room with them. He was somewhere, far away.   
Ori stood up, walked over to the table, got two mugs with hot tea and made his way back to the fire. On the way, he stopped at the window and passed one of the steaming mugs to Fili, who took it gratefully. A soft smile played around his lips, but Ori could see that the other was still absorbed in his own world. He squeezed the blonde's shoulder lightly and returning to his place in front of the fire.   
In a comer, he spotted Kili, huddled into a blanket. The young archer looked pale and exhausted. Instead of returning to his own place, he went over to the younger prince. "Here! You look like as you could need something warm!" Kili looked up, a strained smile on his face. He took the offered mug with a thankful smile and motioned for Ori to take a set.   
"How is your leg?" Kili shrugged. "Not to bad. It hurts but it'll be better after some rest." The brunet tried to smile and reassure Ori but the scribe could see that the other was far from feeling well. But the scribe said nothing. It was obvious that Kili wanted to avoid any attention after Thorin's reaction earlier that day.   
Ori smiled at his friend: "Good!" And placed a small footstool under the injured leg. Kili closed his eyes for a moment: " Thank you!".   
Ori set down beside his friend, sneaking his toes under the warm blanket. He still was cold. He wished he could snuggle up close to Fili, feeling the blonde's strong arms around him and bathing in his warmth.   
Suddenly Kili chuckled, opening his eyes and a bit of the mischief glowed in them again. "Stop tickling me with your toes!" Ori blushed and avoided the others gaze. "Come under the blanket! I can hear your teeth chattering!" The brunet scolded him good-naturedly.   
Ori looked at him but found nothing than sincerity there, so he took a set on the cushion beside his friend, grateful for the warmth.   
They set there in quiet, Kili sipping his tea. Ori could feel the tension in the other dwarf, if not for the injury, the archer would probably run around and drive the rest of them crazy with his restlessness. He was so full of energy, he most times didn't know where to go with it.   
Ori waited. Kili was clearly working up his courage to talk to him. More silent minutes passed and for Ori, it felt like has if Kili would burst with all the pent up energy. The cup was empty and the archer was playing with it, turning it, staring into it as it held the wisdom of the universe. His mouth opened and closed, but no words escaped.   
Ori carefully placed a hand on Kili's shoulder, "You can ask me whatever you want. I will not tell anyone." Ori whispered.   
Kili's huge brown eyes met his. The brown orbs were full of wonder, astonishment and tenderness. Kili blinked a few times more before he spoke: "How did you know that Fili is your One?"   
Ori smiled, the memory of the beginning of their courting was so precious. They had been thinking of being proper and to do the political correct moves. It had been so naive. If the two of them had known what awaited them, they wouldn't' t have hidden it.   
"Actually, I can't pinpoint the exact moment. I just knew it." Ori paused for a moment, thinking, Kili watched him intently. "Well, it all started at the harvest fest. It was the first time I noticed him, not the distant heir to Thorin. That night in the moonlight, I saw Fili, the dwarf behind the façade he showed to the world. " Ori paused again, his gaze searching for his beloved. Fili was still standing at the window. Concern and worries written all over his face. A sigh escaped Ori. He wanted to comfort Fili, share some of the burdens, but the other had closed off. It was his way of dealing with the world and all the pressure but it still hurt Ori. It made him feel so useless.   
Kili must have noticed some of the scribes distress. He squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry Ori, he will come to you. He needs you and your strength, but sometimes he needs time to think on his own." Ori looked at him surprised. "My strength? … I'm not so sure he sees that in me." He lowered his gaze. "Hey! Don’t be stupid Ori! Fili relays on you. Your support is what keeps him going. I have never seen him fight like he had in Goblin-town. Since you are with him, I can see the leader in him he struggles to become. It's not only a facade he shows to the world. Ori, he is starting to believe it himself." Kili fell silent, his forehead wrinkled and lips pursed. "He is starting to ask questions. I mean, he would never have done that before last year's harvest fest. What uncle said was given, but lately, he speaks up and questions Thorin's decisions when they seem to be unreasonable." Kili paused once more. Kili's eyes were troubled. "and Uncle becomes more and more irrational. I don't know what is wrong. Fili will never challenge Thorin's leadership of his own free will, but when it comes to the wishes of Uncle and the safety of our people, he will..."   
Ori starred at the young archer with wide eyes. He headend been aware of the severity of the changes in their leader. He had thought it to be the strain from the journey. Never had he suspected anything more. Kili's words troubled him deeply.   
Ori really had underestimated his friend. Kili saw and understood much more of what was going on around him. No, not understood, the brunet wasn't stupid not at all. He had never thought that, no, Kili paid much more attention than you would think. He came across so carefree and reckless, that you wouldn't think he was observant like this or that he had an interest in what was going on.   
Ori looked at him. "I underestimated you, my friend! I'm really sorry." Kili chuckled. "Good to know that it still works. I'm not like Fili, but I notice things and I do think about it, but most of the time I don't talk about it. I share my thoughts with Fili. He sometimes needs a different perspective."   
Ori smiled. "I knew you two were close but I wasn't aware that it was two dwarves in line behind Thorin, so to speak." Kili huffed: "Yes you are right, I will never be Thorin's heir but neither will Fili be burdened to be it alone and I'm glad that he now has you, as well." "Thank you, Kili! You words mean a lot to me. To be honest, I was asking myself if I'm good enough for you brother..."   
Ori blushed. What was happening here? He had never intended to speak of it allowed. Kili hugged him. "Ori don't doubt yourself! You are such a brilliant mind and I'm glad to have you as a friend!" Ori hugged him back, blinking tears from his eyes. "Thank you, " he whispered with a light sniffle. Ori could feel Kili's body heaving with his silent chuckle.   
It took Ori a moment to control himself. He felt so much better. Ori slipped out of Kili's embrace. His gaze searching for his One's. Fili still stood at the window but now watching him and Kili. Ori smiled at him, determent to talk with the blond without words, to tell him how proud he was of him, how grateful to have him in his life, and how much he loved him. Fili was his everything. His sunshine after the rain.   
Fili's eyes softened and the heavy fog of concern lifted a little. His thoughts were still too heavy for a smile but Ori could see that the other felt a little lighter now. Fili turned his face back to the window, his shoulders a little less tight as before.   
Kili smiled: "See? One loving glance from you and he is better." Ori shook his head but couldn't keep from smiling.   
When he looked at Kili again his face was serious again. "You didn't ask me how I knew that Fili is my One to strengthen my self-esteem, didn't you?" Kili shook his head a low whispered "No" falling from his lips. The brunet wasn't able to look at his friend. Pink coloured his ears.   
"You think you found you One?" Ori asked. Kili's head shot up, panic in his eyes. "How?...." "Don' t worry, I won't tell!. I just saw the look on you face when you saw her coming after the orcs and it reminded me of how I felt when I realised that Fili is my One." Kili wasn't able to hold Ori's gaze, his eyes darting here and there, his whole body was trembling now.   
The scribe placed a hand on the brunet's shoulder. "Kili, look at me. I'm not judging you. It might be unheard of, but if it is her, you are lucky you have found her! I'll be by your side if you need it!"   
Kili smiled a wobbly smile, a huff of air escaping his lungs before he could answer: "I have no idea if she returns my feelings... I just know that I would wonder in starlight for eternity if it means I could be with her." Kili had tears in his eyes, now. Ori had never seen his friend that desperate. He was sure Kili was serious and that he had met his One.   
Oh dear! Ori could see disaster approaching. Yes, he would stand with his friend as he had promised, but he couldn't see how this could end well. He wished he could, he wished he had a solution. He wanted to see his friend happy.   
Ori sight and took Kili in his arms. "You will figure it out! I don't know elves, but the look she gave you spoke volumes. Her heart is in it, too, but we will have to see how far she is willing to go." Ori could feel Kili nod. He pushed the other dwarf a little until he turned, lying the back of his head on Ori's chest looking up at the ceiling.   
Ori stroked the messy and tangled brown strands tenderly and whispered: "Rest Kili! You brother and me we will be at your side."   
Kili closed is eyes, sighed deeply with relive and after a few minutes, Ori could feel that the exhausted dwarf had fallen asleep.   
His gaze travelled back to the window, Fili was watching him again. His brows slightly wrinkled, a sure sign of confusion. Ori smiled at him and the blue eyes lightened. Ori wasn't sure what had concerned and confused his One. Was it still the weird behaviour of Thorin or was it Kili's injury, but maybe he too had noticed what hat happened between the captain of the guard and his little brother. 

The booming gets louder and louder. A few minutes ago he has woken the rest of the group, everyone was ready for the fight now.   
Outside the great door they could hear the footsteps of orcs and what Ori suspects is a cave troll.   
A loud boom and then the splintering of the wooden doors is their warning. They are coming! And they are many, too many! It'll be over soon now. There are not many places left for the dwarves to escape to, but Ori can't give up, like this, not now! He has to finish his journal. His only chance to meet his One in the Hall's.   
This scum had taken his One from him once, he wouldn't allow it to take Fili from him a second time.   
The first Orcs are breaking through the opening in the door. Ori grabs his warhammer and with a cry, he joins the fight.


End file.
